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Thursday, May 25, 2017

IF DOGS COULD THINK & TALK





What if this weren't true & dogs could understand English?



A dog's life might be like this:




"You can stop asking; I know I'm a good boy!!"

"You can pet me; I won't blow up!!"

"I was thinking of leaving him,
but he's such a good father!!"

"My human was busy & I wanted to go for a walk."

"Would you tell your kid to stop kicking my seat?"

Let’s start with an oldie but goodie:

A guy is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a broken down, shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.
"I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.
"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap??"
"Because the dog's a damn liar. He never did any of that shit."
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A dog walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink?"


The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Sure, the toilet's right around the corner."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I tell ya, my dog is lazy. He don’t chase cars. He sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers.—Rodney Dangerfield














Woof, woof & arf, arf to you----fishducky

 











16 comments:

  1. Some days just eating and sleeping sounds pretty good. A lot of days in fact.

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    Replies
    1. Basically, all I do is eat & sleep & play on the computer!!

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  2. Uh-Oh, I'm betting Calvin's next lesson is to take his shoes off before coming in.
    I do a lot of just eating and sleeping myself. If I start to bark I'll let you know.

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  3. I'm with River, eating and sleeping is an important part of my day.

    I wonder if my dog thinks we have mental health issues?

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    Replies
    1. Why would your itsy bitsy cutie wootie sweetie pie think you have mental health issues?

      Delete
  4. These were delightful. Grinned the whole way through. "doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them" really tickled me.

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  5. Franklin, Penelope, and I have long conversations. All they have to do is woof out a "Trump" noise. Then they have to listen to me jabber all day.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Woof" makes as much sense to me as anything else Trump has ever said!!

      Delete
  6. The oldie-but-goodie still wins for me. Never gets old. Dang lying dog! :)

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  7. I'm pretty sure that dog is never again going to be so excited about going to the vet to get tutored.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everyone can learn if they have a good tutor!!

      Delete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.