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Thursday, May 18, 2017

PINOCCHIO, THE REAL STORY



I know it's true because I read it in the paper!!



(Reworked from my book, "Fishducky's Fables")

Many years ago there lived a woodcarver whose name was Gepetto.  He lived alone, sort of.  There were no other humans in his home, but he had a cat, Figaro, and a goldfish, Clio, both of whom could talk.  (Ed. Note: I don’t understand that part, either.)  Still, he was lonely and longed for a son.  He carved a computer since the modern style ones weren’t available at that time and went to several online dating services in search of a woman that he could fall in love with and marry and who would bear his children.

Unfortunately, the dating service/wife/mother idea didn’t pan out, so he scratched his head (he had an irritating skin condition, caused by the sap that was always on his hands and not washing properly) and thought, “I’m a good woodcarver.  I’ll make my own boy!”  He found a good sized piece of Select Grade pine lumber in his workshop and carved a full sized replica of a teenage boy.  He named it “Pinocchio”, which is “Pinkeye” "Pine Eye" in Italian.

How he loved that hunk of wood!  He thought of it as his real son.  It was too heavy for the man to carry, so he put it in an old wagon he picked up for a couple of bucks at a garage sale and took it everywhere he went.  One day his fairy godmother appeared before him and said, “Yo, Gepetto!  Nice log you got there, but how come you schlep it everywhere?”  “His name is Pinocchio,” answered the woodcarver, “And he’s my son!!”   “Yeah, whatever,” said the fairy godmother, “But what's that rash?  It looks like termites.  And you’re getting a little long in the tooth, dear.  Wouldn’t it be easier if he were real so he could walk by himself?”  “If that could only be,” said Gepetto.  She told him that for a nominal fee, payable monthly, she could make it happen. and there would no extra charge to get rid of the termites.  He agreed, and Pinocchio came to life.

Pinocchio looked just like his father, except for a nose that you could use for a ski slope.  He was a normal, average teenage boy.  By that, I mean he drove Gepetto up the wall!  Once, he even joined a gang, ran away from home and got turned into a donkey; you know, the regular growing boy stuff.  When Gepetto brought him back home, Pinocchio begged his dad for a baby brother. He said he was lonesome, but I think he just wanted someone to boss around.

Gepetto had his own idea for Pinocchio’s little brother.  He wanted someone who would support him in his old age.  He tried to contact his fairy godmother, but she was was out of business.  He went back to his computer and located a new one on Craig's List so he knew she would be reliable.  He made a new deal with her (for another nominal fee, of course).  He carved a little figure, which he put in a box.  He attached a spring, which was connected to a crank on the side of the box.  Pinocchio turned the crank and the figure, whom Gepetto had named “Jack”, popped up and asked, “Do you want fries with that?”  Jack, who dearly loved his father and brother, grew up to open a large number of successful fast food restaurants and happily provided his family with a very lavish lifestyle.














If you've read this
& if not, why not?
I told you how much I liked it.
You'll love this:
Release date May 30, but you can preorder on Amazon now. 
This woman knows how to write!!
You can read a review here.




I’m out of my mind right now, but feel free to leave a message.  I’ll get back to you as soon as I can----fishducky

 


18 comments:

  1. I like your version MUCH better than the original. Of course.
    And thank you and drat you on the book front. I am trying so hard not to get any more books...

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  2. If that sap turns green.....what a scream.

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    1. We wouldn't want Pinocchio to get wood rot!!

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  3. "Do you want fries with that?" I nearly spit out my coffee, I know better than to sip coffee and read your posts at the same time ha ha

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  4. Good one! And the jokes were good, too. I believe you on the book. It is on my endless list. I haven't tried reading books again yet, but soon. (I think I might be procrastinating because I'm afraid the wonky eye might drive me nuts reading...and I don't want to find out?) Hey--notice I have been getting your blog posts recently--whoohoo! :)

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    1. Have you ever thought of Leah reading the books to you? She'd enjoy them, too!! You got my posts all last week & this week, so far!!

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  5. You mean my fairy godmother has been on Craig's list all this time? Who knew? Cracked up at the gender reassignment cartoon. What a bummer for Ghetto. The end of the family name.
    Off to get Carol's new book. Loved the other one.

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    1. I'm sure you'll love this one, too!! Gepetto still had Jack.

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  6. I'm a little late with this: I recommend for anyone who liked this story to buy fishducky's book. It's a genius redo of well-known fairy tales and so hilarious.

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    1. Thanks; it's never too late to buy my book!!

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  7. Massive thanks for the review and mention of my new book and a big hello to everyone here xxx

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    1. You're very welcome, & "Hello" to you!!

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  8. I'm pretty sure teenage Pinocchio was pissed off about having to walk everywhere on his own, rather than be pulled in a wagon.

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    1. Teenage Pinocchio was pissed off about EVERYTHING!!

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  9. “Do you want fries with that?” Jack, who dearly loved his father and brother, grew up to open a large number of successful fast food restaurants and happily provided his family with a very lavish lifestyle.
    So THAT'S where our Aussie chain of Hungry Jack's fast food restaurants came from!
    Remember long, long ago when toilet paper often did feel like sandpaper? Thank heavens for progress.

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    1. I've never heard of Hungry Jack's; here we have Jack in the Box!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.