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Friday, July 21, 2017

FISHDUCKY; THE DUCK, THE MYTH, THE LEGEND, PART 10


MY PHONE & I KNOW EVERYTHING


(This is the last of a series of my earliest & most popular posts.  This was originally published August, 2012.  As always, all the cartoons are new.)

There’s an old joke about a guy who’s bragging in a bar.  He says, “My wife & I know everything!”  Someone says, “If you’re so smart, explain the theory of relativity.”  The first guy thinks for a minute & tells him, “My wife knows that!!”  

That’s how I feel about the modern electronics age.  I used to be able to go to a restaurant with my family & wonder aloud what time it is in Iceland or who played the villain in an old movie.  That, at least, gave you something to talk about for a while even if you didn’t really care about the answer.  No more.  Now, if I should happen to muse about Iceland’s time zone, someone will whip out a phone, click a couple of buttons & tell me, “It’s 7:30 pm PST here in California & Iceland is 8 hours ahead of us, so it’s 3:30 am UTC/GMT tomorrow there.”  That’s already more than I really wanted to know.  Then they will continue, “GMT is Greenwich Mean Time. UTC is Coordinated Universal Time or in French: Temps Universel Coordonne. UTC was decided as the acronym because it was thought CUT or TUC were not appropriate.  GMT & UTC are the same.”  I’m surprised they didn’t tell me how to make a watch.  I’ll have to ask them about that, sometime…




I’m a very good driver.  That’s my opinion, not my husband’s.  He thinks it’s my fault that trees like to jump out in front of me.  I have no control over trees!!  In October of 2010 he had to go to Cedars Sinai Hospital very early in the morning for some tests.  (He’s fine--thank you for asking.)  He wasn’t allowed to drive, so he had taken a cab there & I was on my way to pick him up.  Although I’ve driven past Cedars many times, I somehow missed the turn. 

I drove to the next major intersection, planning to turn left & circle back.  Robert Burns once wrote, “The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men gang aft agley.”  Well, AGLEY they went!  I tried--unsuccessfully--to make a left turn.  I’m happy to report the airbag worked.  The paramedics thought I had two broken wrists.  It turned out only one was actually broken.  I now have a 7” plate in my arm. 

My new Mustang, which had less than 1,000 miles on it, suffered extensive damage.  It’s all better now.  The paramedics caused me more (mental) pain than the accident did.  They took scissors & cut off my brand new black leather jacket.  I loved that jacket!   I’d bought it in a consignment shop, but it was new to me.  We were less than a mile from Cedars, so that’s where the ambulance brought me.  Bud & I were reunited in the ER.  Since neither one of us (or my car) was in condition to drive, our daughter came to the hospital & took him home.  I stayed a few days.

(Are ALL paramedics cute?   It may be a job requirement.) 

            
My friend, Barbara, & I both love pork.  Early one evening Bud & I were driving from L.A. to our beach condo & stopped for dinner.  Barb lives across the street from us at the beach & we decided to surprise her.  I had a rib dinner & we bought another one to bring to her.  Bud was downstairs with the takeout box & I went upstairs to talk to Barbara.  She had no idea we had food—or anything—for her.  I asked her what would be the greatest gift one human being could give another & she said, “PORK!”   Bud was just coming up the stairs.  He said, “Right!” & handed it to her.
            

When we were little, my brother used to catch every childhood disease that was in town—mumps, chickenpox, etc.  My mom would throw me in bed with him so I could catch it when I was young & develop an immunity.  I never caught anything. As a child, that is.  I got measles the semester I was entering UCLA.  As a freshman, you couldn’t get your classes by mail.  You—or someone—had to enroll in person.  Bud was kind enough to sign in for me.  He figured that it would be no problem except for Women’s Phys. Ed.  It turned out that was the easiest.  The other prospective students must have noticed his embarrassment—they let him go to the head of the line.


            For you parents of young children:

You probably didn’t notice, but sometimes I have difficulty staying on one theme when I write.  That’s just the way fishduckies are.














See you later----fishducky

 


18 comments:

  1. My jewish father was very fond of pork - always described as four-legged chicken.
    My mother was also big on our 'sharing' diseases. And she also put me to bed with the small girl next door so I would catch mumps. I obliged.

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    1. If God didn't want us Jews to eat pork, I wonder why he made it taste so good?

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  2. My mother thought the same thing about chicken pox etc. Three of us in one room, eating, sleeping, playing. My sister had so many pox there wasn't an inch of bare skin anywhere, my brother caught only a mild case, I had no fever, no headache and only three pox. One on my face and two in my hair. I skipped measles and mumps altogether and eventually had mumps when my daughter brought them home from school.
    It's a terrible shame about your black leather jacket.

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    1. My wonderful kids bought me two leather jackets that Christmas; a black & a brown one. They said it was the first time in years they knew what to buy me!!

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  3. Oh yes I remember having to share all of these diseases and ailments with my siblings, three of us suffering with the same condition had to be a pain for Mom I would think...I remember sharing chicken pox and mumps with my brother and sister, I think my brother had it the worst.

    It's a shame when they cut good clothing off of you, especially something like a leather jacket.

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    1. I never got chicken pox--or shingles!!

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  4. I didn't get my driver's license until I was 23, and my first car was a tank. A "beginner" car, if you will. It was a big ol' Mercury Commuter station wagon, and by the time we sold it, my husband swore there wasn't a straight piece of metal on it. (A "slight" exaggeration...)

    Never got chicken pox? Wow, lucky! The older I get, the more apparent all the bazillions of chicken pox scars are all over my body. Plus, even after getting the vaccine for shingles, I still got 'em. Thanks to the vaccine, it was a relatively mild case, though. I really feel sorry for anyone who gets a bad case.

    Have a super weekend.

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    1. My husband got shingles on his belly; really uncomfortable!!

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  5. Wow, that was rough about your accident. TSA must be anxious about you.
    MY Mom did the same thing with all childhood diseases. Unlike you, I caught them all thanks to two older brothers. In a three month period, all of us got our home grown vaccination for mumps, measles and whooping cough. Mom took a picture of us and we looked like scrawny, hollow eyed refugees but we were protected for life.

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    1. Re my accident: The idiot I hit (who hit me?) said he saw me turning & sped up because he KNEW he had time to miss me!!

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  6. Thanks for making me laugh at our ever-changing technology, which I find frustrating.

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    1. I think we're getting too old for this s**t!!

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  7. The daycare lady and I were rejoicing, because we thought The Pony had caught the chicken pox from a little girl there. Turns out I had to take him to the ER in the middle of the night, because he was actually having an allergic reaction to amoxicillin that he was taking for an ear infection!

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    1. It's not fair when the medicine makes you sick!!

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  8. I remember visiting sick children when young hoping to catch their condition got them all but mumps, still haven't had them.
    Merle...............

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  9. The more I learn about technology, the more I realized I don't know crap.
    R

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.