I thought this was my idea!!
TODAY I AM A CAR
(This is one of a series of my earliest & most popular posts. This was originally published August, 2012. As always, all the cartoons are new.)
(This first paragraph happened in 2012. My foot is fine now.)
Some pre-post notes: We returned home Saturday from a 10 day vacation in Maui. The trip was marvelous but I managed to create a small problem for myself. I have difficulty walking distances so we rented an electric scooter chair (like you see on TV for the moderately decrepit) & while trying to negotiate a sharp turn I drove it into the wall with my foot wedged in between. I thought I had broken my foot--I didn't--but I gouged a rather large hole in it & it hurt!!!! My daughter-in-law is a physical therapist (I try never to travel without one) & she helped me a lot. This cartoon reminded me of me, except I didn't gain any weight.
Some of you have asked me for details on our trip. Our kids (& their kids) went jet skiing, zip lining & parasailing. I didn't. The family took turns pushing me in a wheelchair & I still had a great time!! My daughter feels very strongly about me posting our pictures but I'm sure she wouldn't object to this one in front of the aquarium. (I'm the fourth from the left & Bud is second from the right.) It may be just my opinion but I feel there's a strong family resemblance.
AND NOW THE POST:
A client of my husband’s once gave him a new car. Bud is an extremely good attorney. Just ask him. Another client once was afraid he’d lose his very difficult case & told that to Bud. Bud told the client that some attorneys are just plain not good. Some are not good, but believe they are. Others are good, but don’t realize it. He told him not to worry. He said that he was a very good attorney & knew that to be a fact. After he won their case for them, they presented him with a gold watch. Engraved on the back were 2 words: “THE FACT”.
His wasn't a Rolex
Back to the car: My husband is not impressed with new cars. He kept this car for a long time. He is diligent about maintenance. When its 13th birthday was approaching, we thought it would be fun to throw a party. Since we are Jewish, we thought a
bar car mitzvah would be appropriate. (Note to members of other tribes: When a Jewish boy becomes 13 he is eligible to become a member of the Temple & to be regarded as an adult. That’s why he says, “Today I am a man.”) We had it all planned. Since, at that time, many dealerships were failing it would have been no problem to rent an empty showroom for the night & park the freshly washed & waxed car in it. I would make it a prayer shawl (size xxxxxxxxxxlarge) & a yarmulke (skullcap). We would read passages from the owner’s manual. Unfortunately, this never came to pass because some people in our family thought some of the prospective guests who were Orthodox Jews might feel we were insulting them. I still think it was a great idea!! It probably would have been covered by TV.
He wasn't our car
We didn’t get on TV with the car, but my daughter & Bud’s mother once made $100.00 with a submission of an announcement they sent to the Reader’s Digest’s “Life in These United States”. My husband had lost a great deal of weight & we sent our friends an engraved formal announcement. It stated: “Frances Fischer is pleased to announce the loss of 100 pounds by her beloved husband, B. D. Fischer.” Reader’s Digest liked it. Western Union, not so much. Friends in Paris sent us a telegram which, by Western Union’s standards, couldn’t be read over the phone. Maybe it was because it said, “Congratulations on the unexpected loss of your beloved.” (Note: When someone tells me they recently lost their husband, I feel sorry for them, of course, but it‘s all I can do to keep from asking, “Well, think--where did you see him last?”)
My husband & my mother-in-law used to read the obituaries in the paper every day. For a while I did, too. You’ve heard that old joke, I suppose. It goes, “First thing I do every morning is to look at the obits. If my name’s not there, I get on with my day.” One day I looked at the obits & my name was there--right down to the unusual “c” in our last name! It was someone else, of course, but I don’t check the obits anymore.
Looking over what I’ve written, I’m amazed to see that I actually followed what might be considered a logical (for me, anyway) train of thought. I may have been sidetracked at the end, but not so far away that you couldn’t see the train as it whizzed merrily by!