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Thursday, August 31, 2017

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER AGE 65






1.   Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

2.   With a 5-lb   potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there for as long as you can.

Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

3.   Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

4.   Then try 50-lb potato bags, and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight out for more than a full minute.  (I'm at this level.)

5.   After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.



Physical exercise is good for you. I know that I should do it daily but my body doesn't want me to do too much, so I have worked out this program of 24 strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise. You are invited to use my program without charge. 


1) Beating around the bush 

2) Jumping to conclusions
 

3) Climbing the walls
 

4) Swallowing my pride
 

5) Passing the buck
 

6) Throwing my weight around
 

7) Dragging my heels
 

8) Pushing my luck
 

9) Making mountains out of molehills
 

10) Hitting the nail on the head
 

11) Wading through paperwork
 

12) Bending over backwards
 

13) Jumping on the bandwagon
 

14) Balancing the books
 

15) Running around in circles
 

16) Picking up the pieces
 

17) Tooting my own horn
 

18) Climbing the ladder of success
 

19) Pulling out the stops
 

20) Adding fuel to the fire


21) Opening a can of worms


22) Picking up the pieces  


23) Starting the ball rolling 


24) Going over the edge 

And for my diet:

1) Eating crow

2) Putting my foot in my mouth
(ArcaMax)


I know you're not old yet, but here are some signs that you might be getting there:

The porn you bring home is “Debby Does Dialysis.”


Your doctor doesn’t give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
You remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
You sink your teeth in a steak and they stay there. 
You read the obituaries to find eligible women.

Old ladies offer to help you cross the street.

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

College kids call you mister.

The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

A beautiful girl walks by and nothing happens.

After painting the town red, you need to take a long rest before applying a second coat.

You have all the answers but nobody is asking you the questions.

After climbing the ladder of success and reaching the top, you realize that it was leaning on the wrong wall.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

All the names in your little black book end with MD.
 
(members.tripod.com)


                                                              A funny video for you:
Click here.


















I don't want to say I'm old & worn out, but I make sure I'm nowhere near the curb on trash pickup day----fishducky



 





20 comments:

  1. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work is so very true. Dammit.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Instead of waking up raring to go, I get up having to go.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's my only reason for getting up!!

      Delete
  3. That potato bag one is a good one. I'm telling that to all my friends :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Heck, I get tired just scrolling down to find my birth year!
    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mine (1934) is much further down than yours!!

      Delete
  5. I like the "ape hanger" bars on the scooters in the video.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ha! Then put a potato in each bag. Funny!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Be careful what size potato you use!!

      Delete
  7. The potato bag exercise was made for me.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  8. I was shaking my head (also considered exercise) over the potato sacks and cracked up at the end. Today my exercise mostly consists of cruising the house looking for the object I am sure I put right "there."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope you at least remember why you came into the room!!

      Delete
  9. Heh, heh. "You remember when the Dead Sea was only sick!"

    One of my students told me that I was so old, my social security number was "1", and that Jesus signed my yearbook.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you have any idea how old dirt is? Because I'm sure I'm older!!

      Delete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.