Follow

Friday, August 4, 2017

MARRIAGE TWEETS THAT WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH (OR MAYBE CRY)







*wife runs back into our house which is on fire*
What are you doing!?
W: I just want to straighten up a little before the firemen get here




I just googled, "how to get away with killing my husband" on @IMKristenBell phone. 
Just in case. Now there's a record.



[Me, on my deathbed]
Wife: Is that what you're going to wear?




Wife: *trying to open a can of tuna* Our can opener is broken.
Me: So it's a can't opener?
Wife: I can't believe I married you.
























18 comments:

  1. I really like your plan for the day. Except I am going to cat it. If you don't bring me treats (and they have to be the right treats) or pat me enough (or pat me just right) I am going to scratch.

    ReplyDelete
  2. following on from EC's comment, what type of treats do you prefer?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It doesn't matter; we dogs eat anything!!

      Delete
  3. Loved all but the crying baby--fist bump really ticked me.
    Totally understand dog. I marvel each day as I leap up from what I am doing to play door woman. Must be nice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't it nice to have a steady job?

      Delete
  4. None of these were funny to me, my last wife got my sense of humor in the settlement.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If it wasn't your turn to use the brain you should have had a better lawyer!!

      Delete
  5. Heh, heh. The raccoon and the scratched-up back excuse. He must be a fast learner.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes (to survive) we all have to be fast learners!!

      Delete
  6. I think it would be amazing to have 2 Kit Kats fall out of the vending machine by mistake....don't you?

    By the way I have gone outside to check on a noise and come back in to find the movie is no longer paused.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've also had some movies pause five minutes or so & then start playing again!!

      Delete
  7. It's the same if you want to cat today--LOL!
    So many good ones today...still chuckling at "get potatoes".
    Thanks for taking the time to send these to me, Fran. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I marvel each day as I leap up from what I am doing to play door woman. Must be nice.


    แคมฟรอก

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.