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Thursday, October 26, 2017

MISCELLANEOUS FUNNY STUFF



Q: What do you get when you mix vodka, orange juice, and milk of magnesia?
A: A Philips Screwdriver.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough!!  What do you want, an adorable pancreas? 

What if soy milk was just regular milk introducing itself to you in Spanish?

You know how, when English speakers don't understand something, they say, "It's all Greek to me."?  I can't find what the Greeks would say, but I do know what they would say in a few other countries:

A French speaker would say it's Chinese.
An Urdu speaker would say it's Persian.
A Cantonese speaker would say it's English.
A Czech speaker would say it's Spanish.
A Finnish speaker would say it's Hebrew.
A Persian speaker would say it's Japanese.
An Italian speaker would say it's Arabic.
A Portuguese speaker would say it's Aramaic.
& my favorite:
A Mandarin speaker would say it's Martian.


(My husband and I are in a pretty fancy restaurant celebrating our anniversary. This is all verbatim, spoken very quickly:)

Server: “Hello, welcome to blah blah’s. Our soup of the day is food. The special is food with other stuff on, in, or around it, and the drink specials are booze and some other kind of booze. If you have any questions about the menu, I’ll be happy to answer and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll make something up.”

(My husband and I immediately burst out laughing.)

Server: “I have been doing that for the last three hours because nobody listens to a word I say. You guys are the first to notice! Order whatever you want. It’s on the house.”

(Best anniversary dinner ever.)
Notalwaysright.com

Here's the history of the entire world in 19 minutes:

And here are some shorter funny videos:


                                         













Keep a very firm grasp on reality; that way you can strangle it at any time---fishducky

 


18 comments:

  1. Definitely a deserved free anniversary dinner.
    Love the ambitious spiders too.

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  2. Those crocodiles remind me of the Red Bull commercial. The spiders made me cringe a little, because I imagined some poor kid sliding into a face full of web... And that waiter deserves a big tip!
    Thanks for the daily dose of funny! :)

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    Replies
    1. Of course he should get a big tip--for a FREE dinner!!

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  3. Love the waiter. The videos will have to wait until tomorrow.

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  4. I'll have to say that I thought the waiter was hilarious also, that was really good.

    And not being able to find an item at the lost and found...ha ha

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  5. Good laugh and a free dinner...nice!

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  6. I think we all love your waiter. Dinner and a show.

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    Replies
    1. Good thing there was no cover charge!!

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  7. What a fun waiter. Thanks as always for the laughs.

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  8. Just read the jokes out loud to the husband. Good laugh. Thanks.
    Yea, ya gotta love that waitress.
    Lisa

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  9. I can laugh at the ambitious spiders, but that mushroom man was kind of creepy.

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.