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Tuesday, October 24, 2017

PRESIDENT NIXON ONCE SAID, "I AM NOT A CROOK"


(Reworked from several old posts & some new stuff that I just thought of.)

To paraphrase our late commander in chief, there have been some rare times when I felt like saying, "I am not a cook."

Here are some of them:

We had a dog, Pepe, who would eat anything.  He used to nose around when I was sweeping the kitchen floor to see what delicacies he might glean in the dust.  One day I served meatloaf for dinner, as I had done many times before.  Bud said it tasted funny & he wouldn’t eat it.  The kids agreed.  I said it was just fine.  Bud said not even the dog would eat it.  I said, “Oh, yeah?”, took his plate & put it on the floor.  Pepe came over, sniffed the meatloaf & walked away.  I never trusted that dog again.  I sent the kids & Bud this ecard a year ago:




When we were first married Bud was in the Army, stationed at Fort Ord.  He was a 2nd lieutenant in the Finance Corps.  We often had enlisted men (although we weren't supposed to fraternize with enlisted swine men) over for dinner because we liked them much better than the officers.  One day I made attempted to make peach pie for dessert.  It turned out to be too runny for a pie & too thick to be a cobbler.  I told them it was peach piebler.  They loved it & finished it.

This was not bad cooking, just bad timing:

I was working as a dental assistant on the post.  As such, I got my own dentistry done for free.  I had two wisdom teeth removed & since I felt fine & was pain-free afterwards we decided to have our friends for dinner.  I made one of my favorites; swiss steak.  Swiss steak cannot be too thin or it won't cook properly.  We all sat down to dinner & I sliced a small bite of the swiss steak & brought it towards my mouth.  I couldn't open my mouth far enough to put it in!!  I tried a smaller piece & my mouth still wasn't working well enough to eat it.  I'm not sure what I did but I probably cried.  They finished the swiss steak & didn't even leave me any leftovers for when I could eat properly. 

I am good at following recipes:

Around this same time, I called my mom & you have to realize that neither she or I made very many long distance calls because at that time they were expensive, but wrote letters, instead. She was concerned that maybe Bud or I was ill, or that we were having marital problems.  It was much more serious than that; I needed her recipe for chopped liver!!

And sometimes my meal was OK, but I wasn't:

My young children were acting up at the dinner table & I told them very sternly to stop.  They started laughing at me!  I guess it could have been because I was holding a plastic party glass (the kind you have to put together) of red wine while I was scolding them.  I was holding it cupped in my hand with 2 fingers on either side of the stem, which had stayed on the table when I lifted the glass.  I was fuming & they were laughing as the wine was slowly but steadily flowing out of the small hole in bottom of the glass.  Therefore, this became my new philosophy:



(Disclaimer: I can cook, but I don’t now!  I cooked for my family for many years & even threw a lot of dinner parties.  For Christmas & Thanksgiving we used to have dinner for up to 50 people.  I just got tired of it.  Now, on the rare occasions when I do cook, I make a roasting pan full of chili or 2 or 3 pot roasts & freeze them in individual servings, so we can still have some home cooked meals.)

15 comments:

  1. A brussels sprouts casserole should be buried. Or used as a weapon of mass destruction.

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  2. I never thought a dog would ever refuse anything.
    I like brussels sprouts but not as a casserole. I like them steamed then served with garlic sauce.
    Is Swiss steak like schnitzel but with thin slices of beef?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is basically my recipe, but I didn't use tomatoes or green peppers: Swiss Steak
      Looking for a hearty dinner? Then check out this beef and veggie skillet dish - a wonderful meal.
      Ingredients
      1
      1/2-lb beef boneless round, tip or chuck steak, about 3/4 inch thick
      3
      tablespoons all-purpose flour
      1
      teaspoon ground mustard
      1/2
      teaspoon salt
      2
      tablespoons vegetable oil
      1
      can (14.5 oz) whole tomatoes, undrained
      2
      cloves garlic, finely chopped
      1
      cup water
      1
      large onion, sliced
      1
      large bell pepper, sliced

      Steps
      Cut beef into 6 serving pieces. In small bowl, mix flour, mustard and salt. Sprinkle half of the flour mixture over 1 side of beef; pound in with meat mallet. Turn beef; pound in remaining flour mixture.
      In 10-inch skillet, heat oil over medium heat. Cook beef in oil about 15 minutes, turning once, until brown.
      Add tomatoes and garlic to skillet, breaking up tomatoes with a fork. Heat to boiling; reduce heat. Cover and simmer about 1 hour 15 minutes, spooning sauce occasionally over beef, until beef is tender.
      Add water, onion and bell pepper to skillet. Heat to boiling; reduce heat. Cover and simmer 5 to 8 minutes or until vegetables are tender.

      Delete
    2. Well that's a new one for me, I'd use the tomatoes, but probably not the peppers if I were to make this. But I probably won't. By the time winter comes around I'll have forgotten.

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  3. I like a good meatloaf, but Cindy won't eat it, she does kind of like Pepe did, that's funny that not even he would eat it.

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  4. If the dog won't eat it, that is bad! I guess everyone went hungry, but had a good story to laugh about for ever.

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    Replies
    1. Not everyone went hungry--I ate it!!

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  5. The next time I'm in a restaurant I'm gonna order the soup of tomorrow.

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  6. Ooh how I understand that dog. My husband's dog, Meathead, often gave my early meals the sniff, turn and walk away critique. And I had even seen him eat another dog's droppings. Sheesh.

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    Replies
    1. Meathead sounds like a good name for him!!

      Delete
  7. My grandma's dogs used to eat anything. Even leftover cooked cabbage. Grandma made a pie one day that was not good. I don't remember what kind. I don't know if it could have been termed a PIEBLER or not, but her cobblers and pies were normally delicious. My dad took one bite of this suspect pie, and politely told Grandma that he couldn't eat it.

    When Grandma saw that several people had left pie on their plate, she took the pie and tossed it in the yard for her dogs. Old Sam moseyed over, took a sniff, and walked off in disdain. Dad never let Grandma forget about the time even the dog wouldn't eat that pie. She'd get to laughing so hard that she cried. At least I THINK it was from laughing...

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.