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Thursday, December 7, 2017

HOW (NOT) TO TELL A JOKE


(Reworked from a 2015 post.)

One of my favorite jokes, told poorly:

A priest, a rabbi & a chef decided to go to Africa & open a vegetarian restaurant.  Then the priest & the rabbi changed their minds, so the chef did it by himself, even though most jokes are funnier with a priest, a rabbi & a third person.  He thought a sandwich shop would be more popular than a vegetarian restaurant so that's what he opened.  He had a big sign made that said, “We make sandwiches from any African animal!  If we can’t make your sandwich, we’ll pay you $10,000.00!!” & he had it printed on the menus, too.  Anyway, the restaurant did pretty well for a while until a priest & a rabbi & somebody else (this is where they are supposed to be in the joke) came in & one of them--it must have been the priest because I don't think elephants are kosher--ordered an elephant ball sandwich with mustard.  Wait a minute, I forgot to say that he wanted it on rye bread.  That part is important.  The waiter tried to convince the priest to have it on French bread, a croissant or even a bagel instead, because he thought they were out of rye bread--but the priest insisted on rye. The waiter goes to the manager & tells him that he’s going to have to pay the $10,000.00.  The manager asks why & the waiter tells him that a customer just ordered an elephant ball sandwich on rye.  He tells the waiter that’s no problem; a new shipment of elephant balls just came in along with several loaves of rye bread.  It turns out that they had to pay the guy the $10,000.00 anyway, because they had run out of mustard!! 

And the way it should be told:

Poachers in Africa opened a restaurant.  Their come on was: “We make sandwiches from any African animal!  If we can’t make your sandwich, we’ll pay you $10,000.00!!”   Business was booming for months.  They sold sandwiches made of ground zebra, lion pot roast, leg of hippo, etc.  One day the waiter tries to place an order with the cook.  Together, they sadly go to the manager & tell him that he’s going to have to pay the $10,000.00.  He asks why & they tell him that a customer just ordered an elephant ball sandwich on rye.  He tells them that’s no problem; a new shipment of elephant balls just came in.  The cook says, “I know that!  The problem is, we’re out of rye bread!!”

The Carol Burnett Show was hilarious,
especially when Tim Conway was on.
Here are some examples:



                                     

Doctors still made house calls when this was filmed:
                                     



Here are some of the cartoons from the original post
which I thought were too good to take out:













These cartoons are new:








Carol Wyer's new book, The Silent Children, is being released today.
I was fortunate enough to get an advance copy.
This is the fourth book in the series & they just keep getting better & better.  It opens with a man shot to death in a park whose body is discovered by a little boy.  The list of possible murderers keeps growing, then shrinking as one by one, they, too, are found murdered, like ten little Indians.  Ms. Wyer kept me guessing until the very end.  I can’t wait until book five comes out!!


 



29 comments:

  1. I will have to investigate Carol Wyers books. Thank you.
    And sadly I am a woeful teller of jokes.

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    Replies
    1. I hope you get the chance to read one or two. Fran has been an incredible support and known me since I began writing. By the way, I also do stand up comedy :D

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    2. If you are a fan of mysteries you'll adore this series. If you like humor (& I know you do) may I suggest some of her earlier books. She's a winner in either genre!!

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  2. Great and funny post, thanks for sharing!

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  3. There are those who can tell a good joke and then others who begin with the punch line.

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  4. Loved Conway as the dentist, also Mr. Tuttball, and Lt. Parker in McHale's Navy and...oh hell he was funny in everything.

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    Replies
    1. Bud & I were lucky enough to see Conway & Korman in a live comedy performance. Hilarious. I loved both of them!!

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  5. Fran, thank you again for sharing the news of my new book. As you know I also do stand up and this post is hilarious. In fact, you are to thank for me taking up stand up comedy and I always dedicate each show to you with the finsihing words line...Smile while you still have teeth XX

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    Replies
    1. I didn't know I was the impetus for your comedy routines. I love you, BOTUK (Bombeck of the United Kingdom)!!

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  6. Tim Conway was a treasure on the Carol Burnett Show. His comedy was so funny, yet so wholesome.

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  7. Dear Fishducky, thank you so much for the instructions in telling a joke! and also for the three Tim Conway videos. He always makes me laugh out loud, giggle, and chortle. You've made my day. Peace!

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  8. LOVED the old Carol Burnett show!!
    Okay--I had google play money, had no idea what to buy, found all four of her mystery books and bought them all. Going to try reading on my tablet and enlarging the print (wonky eye and all). Wish me luck. I do enjoy a good murder mystery and figured if you liked them I probably would, too. :)

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    Replies
    1. Please let me know what you think of them!!

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  9. Tim Conway on The Carol Burnett Show could make my dad laugh until he cried. That made ME laugh.

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  10. LOVE Tim Conway. The best. I'm on my way to get this book for my Kindle. Really enjoyed the first two.

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    Replies
    1. Oops, I counted wrong. Seems I have all 4 now.

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  11. Donald Trump's hunting son, or sons--maybe both of them hunt--provided the massacred animals for the restaurant.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. Not overly fond of the Trumps, are you?

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  12. I wish I could keep up with all the new books being churned out, there's just too many. It's a waterfall of words out there.

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    Replies
    1. I know you'll love this series!! Start with book one, The Missing Girls. If you have a Kindle, I'll let you borrow my copy.

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  13. I know a million jokes but I rarely get to tell them these days,

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.