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Tuesday, January 24, 2017

A GENTLEMAN ALWAYS TIPS HIS HAIR TO A LADY & OTHER ASSORTED STUFF


(Reworked form a May, 2012 post.)

I really have nothing specific to tell you today, so I'll post this.

My ears were constantly popping—like when you’re on a plane, but I wasn’t on a plane—so I went to see an ENT.   He said my Eustachian tubes were blocked, cleaned them out & inserted some tubing to keep them open for a while.  He asked me if I smoked & I told him I did.  He said that he had another patient with the same condition.  The doctor said that it wasn’t a good idea, but that the guy won bar bets because of his ear problem.  You’ve heard the expression, “Blow it out your ear”?  Well, he--& I--could!  With our tubes, we just had to inhale some smoke, close our mouth, pinch our nose shut & blow.  Smoke would come out of our ears!  I only tried it once or twice--I had to show Bud (& myself) I could really do it.

My dad’s given name was Angel Kiewitsky.  He always went by the name Archie Keyes.  When I was starting college he decided to have it changed legally.  Off went our family to the courthouse.  As I recall, almost the entire conversation between the judge & my father went like this: Judge: “Your name is Angel Kiewitsky?”  AK: “Yes, Your Honor.”  Judge: “And you want it changed to Archie Keyes?”  AK: “Yes, sir.”  Judge: “I don’t blame you.  Granted.”

My son & my son-in-law are very good friends.  Some time ago, they were having a minor argument--more like a difference of opinion.  My son-in-law was going on & on when Blake interrupted him to ask, “I don’t understand.  What is your point?”  My son-in-law answered, “Exactly--I have no point!”  I think that answer alone makes him eligible to be a member of our family.

Children Are So Literally Minded Dept: The Broadway musical “Beauty and the Beast” was playing in our city.  Our oldest granddaughter was about 4 or 5 at the time & I decided to take her to see it.  She had been to movies but never a stage show.  I wanted her to know what she was going to see.  I told her it would be a lot like a movie, with people singing & dancing.  I said the difference would be that the people were live & real & not on a screen.  I added that everyone would be wearing makeup & costumes.  She was very excited, but also pensive.  She thought for a minute & then said, “I guess I could wear my costume from Halloween--I think it still fits."

Do you remember the comedians, George Burns & Jack Benny?  They were very close friends.  One year on Benny’s birthday, Burns sent him a beautifully wrapped gift.  It was a turtleneck cashmere sweater.  The only thing that makes that interesting or amusing--it was being worn (yes, inside the box) by a live turtle!



                                                                      
We went to an upscale Beverly Hills restaurant to celebrate my son-in-law’s birthday.  An older gentleman (maybe 80-85) was having dinner with his wife.  He was wearing a visor & his thick salt & pepper hair, about 2” long, was sticking up behind the visor.  There was a party of 12 at the table next to him.  The people at the 2 tables were apparently chatting back & forth, because at one point the older man smiled at them, rose & tipped his visor to one of the ladies in a gentlemanly manner.  I couldn’t believe what I saw.  The hair, which was not his, but a part of the visor, came off!  It was part of a baseball cap, with the hair sewn on top so it would look realistic.  He then put it back on his shiny bald head.  With his hair intact, he sat down & resumed eating.  It’s a good thing I was drinking club soda & not red wine.  Everyone within spitting distance would have been wearing merlot.



Keeping with the non-existent theme of this post,
here are some random cartoons:













"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. And then you die. What's that? A bonus? I think the life-cycle is all backwards.

You should die first and get it all over with. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young. You get a gold watch. You go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol and party. You get ready for high school. You go to grade school and become a kid. You play. You have no responsibilities. You become a little baby & go back into the womb. You spend your last nine months floating...

Then, you finish off as an orgasm. I like it."----Woody Allen (& fishducky)