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Wednesday, February 15, 2017

IT'S SO HARD TO GET GOOD HELP NOWADAYS



    My house is clean.  I have discovered an effortless way to keep it like that.  He name is Olivia & she comes every Monday.  Even before we could afford her, my house appeared clean.  My mother did things differently than I do.  I have memories of a pile of newspapers on the dining room table.  She would pick them up, wax the table & put the papers back on it.  My method--throw out the papers & don't dust or wax.  I figure that if someone is going to do a white glove inspection of your home, the least you can do as a gracious hostess is to let them find dust!!

    My daughter-in-law shares my way of thinking.  When my grandson was about to be born I flew to Connecticut to help out.  Linda had gone out & I was sitting & visiting with Matt & their little daughter.  I looked around at the mess & said to Matt, "I'm so glad that Linda feels comfortable enough around me that she didn't go crazy cleaning for my visit."  Matt laughed & said, "She did!!"  I bought her this sign which she proudly still keeps hanging in her kitchen:

I bought this sign for my other daughter-in law:

Nameless is nothing like me,
so this is her sign:

Some maid jokes for you:

The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset.
She asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"
Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Who said that?"
Helen: "Your husband."
Wife: "Oh."
Helen: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you."
Wife: "Did my husband say that as well?"
Helen: "No, the gardener did."
Wife: "So, how much do you want?"

A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the maid.
She thought of a plan to take him by surprise.
One day, she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed.
Sure enough, at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her.
He began to make love to her, and with each passing moment, the woman grew more furious at her husband.
Finally, unable to restrain herself any longer, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and fumed, "Surprised?" "I sure am!" stammered the chauffeur.
A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. They hired a lovely lass for the job. She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit. 

"But why?" asked the disappointed wife.

She hemmed and hawed and said she didn't want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, "Well, on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I'm pregnant."

The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. My husband and I don't have children, and we'll adopt your baby if you will stay."

She talked to her husband; he agreed, and the maid said she would stay. The baby came, they adopted it, and all went well.

After several months though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit. The wife questioned her, found out that she was pregnant again, talked to her husband, and offered to adopt the baby if she would stay. She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went on as usual.

In a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same thing. She was pregnant. They made the same offer, she agreed, and they adopted the third baby. She worked for a week or two, but then said, "I am definitely leaving this time."

"Don't tell me you're pregnant again?" asked the lady of the house.

"No," she said, "there are just too many kids here to pick up after."