(Reworked
from assorted older posts with a bunch of new stuff.)
Bud has been retired from his successful law practice for many
years now. One of his first clients was a woman who was accused of
shoplifting. Her defense was that while she was walking past the meat
counter in a supermarket, some lamb chops jumped into her purse. With
much difficulty (& the surveillance photos), he finally convinced her to
plead guilty. He also had a client who (allegedly) wrote a series of bad checks.
He got her off, but he wasn’t stupid. He insisted she pay him in cash!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of
rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against .... get this .... fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and
having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a
claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had
lost the cigars in "a series of small fires."
The insurance company refused to pay, citing
the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion.
The man sued ... and won!! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that
since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the
cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars
against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable
fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal
process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man
$15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires." After the man
cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested... on 24 counts
of arson! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case
being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally
burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes, lawyers don't even have to wait for an answer. I think the term "probonehead" (Thank you, Timothy Hecht) describes them very well:
Lawyer: "How far
apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
Lawyer: "You were
there until the time you left, is that true?"
Lawyer: "Were you
alone or by yourself?"
Lawyer: "Were you
present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"
Accused, defending his own
case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your
purse?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some free legal advice for you from lawyer L. Scott Briscoe:
The new anthology that I'm in is now available at
Kobo, Barnes & Noble, Ibooks & Amazon.
To buy it on Amazon, click here.
Barnes and Noble/nook: click here.
Ibooks: click here.
I plead not guilty by reason of insanity----fishducky
