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Monday, March 20, 2017

GNORBERT GNU--A GNARRITIVE (& FAIRY TALES IN 50 WORDS OR LESS)


(Reworked from a February 2015 post.)

Gnorbert Gnu was a gnice little gnu.  This was his first migration.  His mother, father & gnana told Gnorbert to stay with the herd, gnever wander off & especially that going in the river was a gno gno.  A seemingly friendly Gnile crocodile asked Gnorbert to come in the water & play.  Gnorbert saw gno harm in this so he went in just up to his gknees.  The croc grabbed him & ate him. Gno more Gnorbert.  The moral:  Gnever smile at a crocodile!!






SLEEPING BEAUTY
Once upon a time a beautiful young girl took a bite out of an apple that had a curse on it.  She could only be awakened by the kiss of her true love.  She had been asleep for years &, of course, hadn't brushed her teeth.  Prince Charming bent over to kiss her, got a whiff of her breath & left.  She’s still asleep!!


SNOW WHITE & THE SEVEN DWARFS
While wandering through the woods, a nubile young thing came across the house where seven dwarfs lived.  She asked them if she could stay if she cleaned the house, cooked & performed other services for them.  She serviced them all & to this day, Grumpy is no longer grumpy!!




CHICKEN LITTLE
Something hit Chicken Little in the head, so she assumed the sky was falling.  She warned Ducky Lucky, Goosey Lucy & all her other friends.  On their way to tell the king the sky finished falling & killed them all!!




HUMPTY DUMPTY
A hard boiled egg was sitting on a wall & rolled off.  His shell cracked but the rest of him was still edible.  He was chopped, mixed with mayonnaise & celery & made into a delicious egg salad.




HANSEL & GRETEL
A brother & sister were walking & found a witch’s house, which was made of candy.  They ate the porch & then reported her to the building department, which made her tear it down because it wasn’t up to code.


RAPUNZEL
A lovely girl with unbelievably long hair was imprisoned in a tower.  The only way someone could visit was to have her drop her hair out the window & then climb up it.  A handsome prince did that & they fell in love.  When he came back, he asked her to let her hair down so he could climb again.  She said she couldn’t because she hadn’t been able to resist the discount she was offered on a postcard from Super Cuts.  That was several years ago & her hair only now reaches her shoulders.


THE UGLY DUCKLING
One day a mother duck laid a whole bunch of eggs.  When they hatched, they were all adorable except one.  When his brothers & sisters made fun of him & called him ugly because of his long neck, he told them he was a swan & would be handsome as an adult.  When he grew up, he eventually realized he was just an ugly duck with a long neck.



THE GINGERBREAD MAN
A crazy cookie was running through the streets yelling, "Run, run, run, as fast as you can.  You can't catch me--I'm the Gingerbread Man!!"  He was wrong--& delicious!!



JACK & THE BEANSTALK
Jack, one child of a large family, took a cow into town to sell it to buy food for his many sisters & brothers.  Instead, he traded it for some magic beans which his mother angrily threw out.  The next day he climbed a beanstalk which had magically grown overnight.  He encountered a giant who ate him.  Fortunately, with him gone, his mother could afford to feed the remaining children.



GOLDILOCKS
A blonde broke into the home of three bears & ate their porridge.  She then took a nap in one of their three beds.  The bears came home & found her sleeping.  They immediately called the police, who arrested her.  She had a jury trial, was found guilty of criminal trespass & is now serving 10 to 20 years in the state prison. 






























AND A POEM :

JACK AND JILL
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
They each had a buck and a quarter.
They both fell down,
And I don’t know what happened,
But Jill came home with $2.50.



I was reading an article where doctors say that your attention span is like a muscle that can be strengthened. I didn't read the rest of the article because I saw a shiny thing----fishducky