Wednesday, March 22, 2017


These were tweets that I found on BuzzFeed:

Why is it called reading a book instead of paper view?

Why is it called going bald instead of vanishing into thin hair?

Why was he called Steve Jobs instead of Mac Daddy?

Why is it called a dad bod instead of a father figure?

Why is it called CAPS LOCK instead of capital punishment?

Why is it called your bowels instead of your instinks?

Why is it called a rhyme book instead of rapping paper?

Why is someone called an angry drunk instead of mean spirited?

Why isn't Miley Cyrus' grandmother called Nana Montana?

Why isn't a menu board at a coffeehouse called JavaScript?

Why is it called catnip instead of meowjuana?

Why is it called a rattlesnake's warning rattle instead of a cautionary tail?

Why is it called Jurassic World instead of Parks and Rex?

Why is it called removing a curse instead of a hexagon?

Why is it called a contraction instead of a birthquake?

Why is childbirth called delivery instead of take-out?

Did you know Mitsubishi had to change the name of its "Pajero" model in Spanish speaking countries where it means "wanker"?  Also, if you were a Spanish speaker you wouldn't buy a Chevy Nova.  No va means "It won't go" in Spanish!!

Some more confusing English from HLRGAZETTE. com:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear. 
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

This is from "So You Think French is Hard; Try English":

I take it you already know of tough and bough and cough and dough. 
Others may stumble but not you, on hiccough, thorough, tough and through. 
Well done! And now you wish perhaps to learn of less familiar traps? 
Beware of heard, a dreadful word that looks like beard and sounds like bird. 
And dead -- it's said like bed, not bead -- For goodness' sake, don't call it deed. 
Watch out for meat and great and threat (they rhyme with suite and straight and debt). 
A moth is not a moth in mother, nor both in bother, broth in brother. 
And here is not a match for there, nor dear and fear or bear and pear. 
And then there's dose and rose and lose, just look them up -- goose and choose, 
And cork and work, and card and ward, and front and font, and word and sword, 
And do and go, and lone and gone, and wart and cart -- Come, come! I've hardly made a start! 
A dreadful language? Man alive! 
I mastered it when I was five!


I became a professional fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.

The first time my son was on a bike with training wheels, I shouted, "Step back on the pedals and the bike will brake!"

He nodded but still rode straight into a bush.

"Why didn’t you push back on the pedals?" I asked, helping him up.

"You said if I did, the bike would break."

The doctor said I've got this little piece of brain lodged in my skull, but when they get it out, I'll be fine----fishducky