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Wednesday, March 29, 2017

SOME FUNNY BAR SIGNS TO READ NOW BEFORE YOU'RE TOO DRUNK TO UNDERSTAND THEM


I've never cared much for beer & Bud hates it.  
The American ones leave too bitter an aftertaste for me.
I did enjoy the taste while I was in Germany.
I also liked a Canadian beer, Moosehead, but I don't even know if they still make it.
I liked these bar signs, too!!













(dumpaday.com)

Blake & I were having lunch & this sign was outside of our restaurant:


I also liked these notices apparently written by the only employee
 who spoke "fluent" English:

● In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER. 

● On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. 

● On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP. 

● In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS. 

● In a Cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES. 

● In a Tokyo hotel:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED. 

● On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR. 

● In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY. 

● Airline ticket office in Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. 

● Cocktail lounge in Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR. 

● Doctor's office in Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
(bydewey.com)


I'm sorry, but I can't remember where I found these:

● Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
 DR. JONES, AT YOUR CERVIX. 

● On a Plumber's truck:
DON'T SLEEP WITH A DRIP. CALL YOUR PLUMBER. 

● On an Electrician's truck:
LET US REMOVE YOUR SHORTS.

● At a Car Dealership:
THE BEST WAY TO GET BACK ON YOUR FEET - MISS A CAR PAYMENT. 

● Outside a Muffler Shop:
NO APPOINTMENT NECESSARY. WE HEAR YOU COMING.

● In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT 

● In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS 

● In the window of a dry cleaner's:
SAME DAY DRY CLEANING - ALL GARMENTS READY IN 48 HOURS 

● In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD 

● In another office: 
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY, PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN 

● Outside a furniture shop:
OUR MOTTO: WE PROMISE YOU THE LOWEST PRICES AND WORKMANSHIP 

● Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS 

● Sign in a German cafe:
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING 

● In a dental office:
BE TRUE TO YOUR TEETH OR THEY WILL BE FALSE TO YOU 

● Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR 

● Sign in a picture shop:
LET US PUT YOU IN THE PICTURE AND FRAME YOU 

● Notice in restaurant:
OUR CUTLERY IS NOT MEDICINE SO PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT AFTER MEALS 

● Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS 

● Sign on a newly painted bench:
WET PAINT - WATCH IT OR WEAR IT 

● Sign in London pizza parlor:
OPEN 24 HOURS - EXCEPT 2 A.M. - 8 A.M. 

● On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) 

● Sign in Egyptian hotel:
IF YOU REQUIRE ROOM SERVICE, PLEASE OPEN DOOR AND SHOUT, "ROOM SERVICE!"