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Monday, May 8, 2017

THE TALE OF PETER RABBIT, THE REAL STORY


I know it's true because I read it in the paper!!




Peter Rabbit is an inquisitive fellow.  He’s the middle child of his family of 143, and a little stupid, even for a rabbit.  His family lives on the edge of Mr. McGregor’s farm, and his parents are constantly telling their children to stay out of his garden, unless they want to turn into a lucky charm, like poor Uncle No Feet.

But Peter is small, and thinks that he has reflexes like a ninja.  Mr. McGregor always has such wonderful food growing, and Peter is hungry.  His dad isn’t working and there’s only so much lettuce his mom can buy with food stamps.

So one day he sneaks under the fence, and heads towards the garden. In the garden Peter stuffs his belly and is just ready to head home when a shadow falls over him.  It’s the dreaded Mr. McGregor.

Peter takes off for the fence.  He zigzags across the lawn, and hears a crack behind him, and something whizzes past him.  His mother was not lying when she told him that the farmer had a stick that would shoot its insides into poor rabbits!!

Peter reaches the fence, but realizes that he has eaten too much; his now fat ass won’t let him get through the gap in it.  The farmer is drawing near, and Peter is preparing himself for his death, when four of his siblings appear on the far side of the fence.

They scramble through the fence, and attack the farmer.  The poor man is shocked by this behavior, mumbles something about Jimmy Carter being right about damn killer rabbits and stumbles before careening into the fence.  It goes down, and the rabbits scurry to safety.

Peter is grounded for a week, and as Mr. McGregor erects a new fence, he promises to never again enter his yard.  Little does his mother know that Peter is planning his revenge on Mr. McGregor and saving up his allowance for a shooting stick of his own!!























----fishducky