What if this weren't true & dogs could understand English?
A dog's life might be like this:
"You can stop asking; I know I'm a good boy!!"
"You can pet me; I won't blow up!!"
"I was thinking of leaving him,
but he's such a good father!!"
"My human was busy & I wanted to go for a walk."
"Would you tell your kid to stop kicking my seat?"
Let’s start with an oldie but goodie:
A guy
is driving around the back woods and he sees a sign in front of a broken down,
shanty-style house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the
owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the
backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he
asks.
"Yep," the Lab
replies.
After the guy recovers from
the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says,
"Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to
help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting
from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because
no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.
"I was one of their most
valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me
out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I
signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering
near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible
dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.
"I got married, had a
mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes
back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the
guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog
is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap??"
"Because the dog's a
damn liar. He never did any of that shit."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A dog walks into a bar and hops up on a
stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I can
talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink?"
The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Sure, the
toilet's right around the corner."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that
teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99
for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do
dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I tell
ya, my dog is lazy. He don’t chase cars. He sits on the curb and takes down
license plate numbers.—Rodney Dangerfield
Woof, woof & arf, arf to you----fishducky
