PUNNING 101; A LESSON IN PUNNING

All right, I did recently write another post about puns.  To see it. click here.  But it didn't really teach you anything about puns.  This post does!!


Homophonic puns are created by substituting one word for a similar-sounding word.

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·    I bet the butcher the other day that he couldn’t reach the meat that was on the top shelf. He refused to take the bet, saying that the steaks were too high.

Homographic puns are created in one of two ways: either by using a word that has two different meanings, or by substituting a word with the exact same spelling as the word for which it was substituted.

·    Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

·    Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself?

Compound puns are made by using a string of two or more words that sound similar to a string of different words.

Where do you find giant snails? On the ends of giants’ fingers.

A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing only shorts made of plastic wrap. The shrink says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”

Santa’s helpers are subordinate Clauses.

Puns involving animals are everywhere, and they run the gamut of pun types. Here is just a small sample of the many, many funny animal puns already in existence.

Sea Creatures and Amphibians

Biologists have recently produced immortal frogs by removing their vocal cords. They can't croak.

The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.

On the surface of things whales are always blowing it.

The marine biology seminars weren’t for entertainment, but were created for educational porpoises.

Horses, Cows and the Like

A horse is a very stable animal.

If you hear it from the horse's mouth you're listening to a neigh sayer.

There were three horses on a ship including a sick bay.

After the horse ate all of his hay he had a baleful look about him.

One horse said to another: your pace is familiar but I don't remember the mane.

Sign at a deer crossing: The Buck Stops Here.

A zoo had a camel with no humps named 'Humphrey.'

He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.

Male deer have buck teeth.

The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card.

When a cow gives birth she not only gives cream, she is de-calf-inated.

Cats and Dogs

A dog breeder crossed a setter and a pointer at Christmas time and got a pointsetter.

·     If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.

In the winter my dog wears his coat, but in the summer he wears his coat and pants.

Insects and Creepy-Crawlies

·        One grasshopper told another about eating corn. It went in one ear and out the other.

·         Scientists have created a flea from scratch.

·         When a new hive is done bees have a house swarming party.

·         A smelly ant was expelled from the colony because he was deodorant.

·         Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

·         A toothless termite walked into a tavern and said, "Is the bar tender here?
"

·         Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Birds and Fowl

·         A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

·         The flock of doves decided to stage a coo.

·         Peacocks are meticulous because they show attention to de tail.

·         The duck said to the bartender, 'put it on my bill.'

·         It’s amazing how eagles catch their prey, they must be really talon-ted.

·         Birds are grouchy in the morning because their bills are over dew.

·         When a vulture flies, he takes carrion luggage.

·         An angry bird landed on a door knob, then flew off the handle.

·         The chicken crossed the playground to get to the other slide.

·         Nature reserves are an eagle opportunity employer.

More Funny Animal Puns

·         Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.

·         It's OK to watch an elephant bathe as they usually have their trunks on.

·         Have you ever heard of an honest cheetah?

·         A skunk fell in the river and stank to the bottom.

    An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.

(examples.yourdictionary.com)

With any luck at all, this will be my last pun post for a while (I heard that sigh of relief) so enjoy these from short-funny.com/best-puns:

Jokes about unemployed people are not funny. They just don't work.

If a wild pig kills you, does it mean you’ve been boared to death?

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

I ate 4 bowls of delicious alphabet soup. After that I had a massive vowel movement.

Toilet paper plays an important role in my life.

A patient sobs to his doctor: “I feel like a pair of curtains!”

Doctor: “Well pull yourself together man!”

How to embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a used tampon and ask him to determine which period it came from.

Have you heard about the fire in the shoe factory?

Hundreds of soles were lost!

Care to seduce a large woman? Piece of cake.

I wonder how letters ever get to the recipient. The envelopes, after all, are stationery.

I heard Apple is designing a new automatic car. But they're having trouble installing windows.

The mohel really messed up that circumcision. It was a total rip-off.

I've failed the math test so many times, I lost count. 

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Morty and Saul are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul, a banker, says to Morty, "Listen, Morty, I should probably tell you, I don't swim so well."

Morty, who worked as a lifeguard when he was younger, begins tugging and pulling on Saul, helping him float towards shore. After twenty minutes, he begins to tire. Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks, "Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?"

Saul looks at Morty and then replies, "This is a heck of a time to be asking for money!"

A good pun is its own reword----fishducky