Tuesday, July 11, 2017



(This is one of a series of my earliest & most popular posts.  This was originally published November, 2012.  As always, all the cartoons are new.)
            My husband was home with the kids while I went shopping.  There was one particular client he was trying to avoid.  The phone rang & since he thought it probably was this client, he told our 5 or 6 year old daughter to answer it.  It was.  He mouthed to her that he wasn’t home.  She told the client, “My daddy’s not home.”  There was a small pause & she said, “Just a minute.”  She turned to Bud & loudly asked, “When will you be home, Daddy?”

            Bud had a lot of dealings with an attorney that I wasn’t overly fond of.  Let’s just say that “Cedric” (not even close to his name, but I don’t want to be sued) thought he was much more important than I thought he was.  Bud was out of the office & he called our house looking for him.  I had previously refused to speak to Cedric on the speakerphone.  (My only idiosyncrasy.)  He was on the speakerphone.  Our conversation: “Hello.”  “Hi, Fran.  Is Bud there?”  “Get off the speakerphone, Cedric.”  “I just want to know if he’s home.”  “Get off the speaker.”  “Can’t you just tell me if he’s there?”  “Not while you’re on the speaker.”    He tried a couple more times & then, in frustration, clicked the speaker off.  He said, “OK!!  I’m off the speaker.  Is he there?”  “No.”

Signs of the times:

            I was very close to my grandmother.  My husband answered the phone one evening & his side of the conversation went like this: “Hello.  When?  Yes.  Yes.  OK.  I’ll talk to you later.”  (This kind of conversation was not unusual.  He was an attorney & many things had to be kept private.)  He hung up the phone & I said to him, “My grandmother died.”  He told me that had been my dad calling to tell us just that.  She was old, but had not been sick--it was very sudden.

            Slightly off the topic: I was helping out in Bud’s office, answering the phone when the receptionist was sick.  There was a small chalkboard above her desk for important notices.  One of the clerks had taken the bar exam & I was told that he had just gotten word that he had passed it.  I wrote on the chalkboard, “Lenny passed!”  I apparently should have said, “Lenny passed THE BAR!”  Some of the office staff thought he had died.

            WAY off the topic, but still dealing with communication: As many of you know, Bud & I have been married for 62 years.  (If you use his system of counting, it’s 124 years--62 each.)  Even though I’m fascinating, he sometimes seems to ignore me when I talk to him.  Not so.  After all these years we have developed our own private language.  In response, he can either just sit there,   belch or fart.  I can then interpret his action (or inaction) as meaning, “That is the most amusing/interesting/informative thing I’ve ever heard.  Thank you for sharing it with me!!”  (We feel it’s important to keep our lines of communication open.)        

        I don’t know who thought of this, but I do know they’re my kind of people.  Some company (I can’t remember which) had an 800 number which was answered by a machine offering you a menu to reach the extension you wanted.  It said to press 1 through 7 to reach different departments.  Nothing unusual, right?  Well, not until it said, “To hear a duck quack, press 8.”  I did, & that’s exactly what I heard!!  The company had absolutely nothing to do with ducks.  Someone just had a sense of humor--& didn’t want to waste option #8. I must have called them 50 times!!        

For a very funny phone call, click here. 

For the funniest prank call I've ever heard, click here. 

            Respond as you see fit----fishducky

PS: (From Barbara)  Women are like phones.  They like to be held, talked to & touched often—but push the wrong button & your ass is disconnected!!