Monday, October 2, 2017


This post was supposed to run last Monday.  It didn't.

When you wake up the next morning and read what you sent to your crush last night.

 When you’re the third wheel AGAIN.

When you see your ex at a bar.

 When you didn’t realize your housemates would be home so early.

When you see a total hottie across the room.

 When you realize that this is not your house and that is not your wife.

When you see your crush hitting on someone else.

When you see your crush after drunk-texting them.

When your crush is taking ages to reply.

When your Tinder date doesn’t look like their pictures.

When bae sends the “we need to talk” text.

 When you make out with your friend and both decide that it was very weird.

When you send a flirty text with a typo in it.

When you get cornered by a creepy guy and are desperately looking for an escape route.

When you’re trying to find your best angle for a nude shot.

When the bartender’s looking kind of cute.

 When you’re in heat and bae comes home from work.

When you suddenly realize you’re making a terrible mistake.


If cats had wings, they'd still just lay in the sun all day----fishducky

UK πŸ‡¬πŸ‡§ http://amzn.to/2stTbwj 
US πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ http://amzn.to/2sXB1Ej



The following are short quotes from actual police reports. They are actual statements either taken directly off of insurance forms or things said directly to the officer taking the report. 

“The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.”

“I told the police I was not injured, but upon removing my hair, I found that I had a fractured skull.”

“Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.”

“The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.”

“I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.”

“A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.”

“I was taking my canary to the hospital. It got loose in the car and flew out the window. The next thing I saw was his rear end, and there was a crash.”

“I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.”

“I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.”

“I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner when it was struck by the other car in the same place where it had been struck several times before.

 “I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.”

“In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”

“I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.”

“I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.”

“When I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.”

“I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.”

“The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.”

“The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.”

“I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.”

“I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.”

“An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished.”

“The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.”

Some more funny police reports & some celebrities
who should have had their makeup crew for their mug shots:

Rip Torn

Bill Cosby

David Cassidy

Mel Gibsom

Phil Spector

Tiger Woods

Randy Travis

Lindsay Lohan

& her mother, Dina

And the very handsome Nick Nolte
who, apparently, doesn't own a comb!!

This last one's for Janie: