(Reworked from a 12/13 post.)
Once upon a time there was a very poor family. The mother & father were poor & so
were their children. Even their maids, cook & butler were poor.
When they sat down to a simple dinner of, say, prime rib, baked potatoes &
Caesar salad, they had to be careful not to overeat because the leftovers would
be needed for the next day’s lunch. Their handmade clothes were sewn of
silk, not the velvet that they would have preferred. They had a carriage &
a coachman, of course, but the carriage was last year’s model. Life was
very unkind, indeed. How long could they
continue this hardscrabble existence? Would the poor man (hereafter known
as P. M.) have to get a job?
One day
an itinerant lottery ticket salesman knocked on the door of their castle.
P. M. didn’t want to buy any tickets at first because he was short on cash, but
the salesman had a strong feeling he had the winning ticket with him. P. M. knew this because the salesman said, “I have a strong feeling I have the
winning ticket with me. If you buy this $1.00 ticket, you could win a
gazillion dollars. Even after taxes, you’d probably have half a gazillion
& that should last you the rest of your life!” After much thought, P.
M. sent one of his poor servants to fetch him a dollar from under his mattress &
he bought the ticket. “Thank heavens,” P. M. thought, “In a few days all
my financial problems will be solved.”
Soon the
day of the drawing of the lottery numbers arrived. P. M. & his wife
sat in their matching pure leather recliners, which they had gotten on sale
from La-Z-Boy, & turned on their large sized flat screen HDTV (also last
year’s model). They watched intently as the numbers were drawn &
would you believe--they lost!
His very
first thought was to sue the salesman who obviously sold him a defective
ticket. As they sat in front of the TV, many commercials came on. Quite
a few of them were by lawyers who said things like, “Did you ever take this
medicine & break a fingernail? You may be entitled to money!!” &
“Did you ever touch this stuff & now you have a slight headache? We
can get you cash!!”
The ads
sounded very sincere--& lucrative!!
P. M. got on his computer (last year’s, too) & looked for attorneys.
He called the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham & Howe (who used to handle Johnny
Carson’s legal work) & made an appointment. They sued every
pharmaceutical company & manufacturer of possibly dangerous products known
to man.
True, most of their cases were dismissed, but enough made it to trials in which they won to get P.M. his half a gazillion dollars & more!! He never did have to get a job or eat day old prime rib again. He gave his household staff got a big raise & everyone lived happily ever after.
----fishducky
