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Monday, December 31, 2018

WE'LL MEET YOU AT THE AIRPORT



A bonus post for New Year's!!

This is hard to write so I will keep it short.  Bud passed away peacefully Friday, 12/28, with his three children at his bedside.  I said my goodbyes to him the day before.  He did not want a service so his ashes (along with the ashes of a picture of my duck so I can be with him in spirit) will be scattered in the ocean in Santa Monica, with only the family present.


(I posted this the last five New Year's--I'm making it my standard New Year's post!!)


Want to come with us on the trip of a lifetime?  You have New Year's Day off, don’t you?  Pack your (virtual) bags & join us on our travels through the Orient.  We took this trip in 1980.  We went with our friends, Joe & Helen.  Joe, like Joe E. Lewis, had been rich & he had been poor. (As Joe E. Lewis said, “Rich is better!”)  When our Joe was rich he traveled strictly first class, so on this trip, we did, too!!

The trip started with a JAL (Japanese Air Lines) flight from Los Angeles to Tokyo.  Maybe.  My husband claims it was Singapore Air Lines.  I can’t remember, but he’s usually right.  It was an overnight flight, so after a wonderful dinner—a roast carved right in front of you—we watched a movie & then were shown to our bedrooms.  YES, I said bedrooms!  It was the only time we ever had real beds & not reclining seats on a plane.  

At the hotel, we opted to take Japanese style rooms.  We slept on futons on the floor.  I had a marvelous night’s sleep & woke up refreshed & raring to go.  I swung my legs over the side of the bed (forgetting I was on a futon), put my feet on the floor & found my knees right next to my head!!  We took a cab tour/shopping trip through the city.  The cherry blossoms were in bloom.  Beautiful!!  I don’t know if they still do it, but the cabs drove with their lights on.  When they were stopped at a red light they turned them off.


           
From Tokyo we flew to Singapore, where we stayed at a suite at the Holiday Inn.  Not first class, you say?  WRONG!  This suite came with a personal butler.  How lovely it was to spend the day shopping (Helen & I took a local bus.  We figured it would be fun even if we got lost, which we didn’t.) & then come back to our suite, take off our shoes & have the butler take our packages & pour us a glass of wine.  

Joe & Bud stayed in the room one day playing gin rummy while we shopped.  There were prostitutes available & Joe wanted to hire a couple of them.  Not for sex—he thought it would be funny to have them sitting there naked, watching our two guys playing cards, when we got back.  Good thing he didn’t—I’m not sure how funny Helen or I would have thought it was.  

Below is a picture of apartments flying the “Singapore National Flag”.  That’s right—it’s laundry drying!  Look at how spotless the streets are.  Also, here’s a picture of a small shrine on a street in Singapore.

                  



                                                       












We took the ferry to Hong Kong.  I think it cost less than 25 cents per person, American money.  Hong Kong was a shopper’s paradise.  In one of the MANY jewelry stores, I fell in love with a delicate gold & jade bracelet.  I can’t remember what they were asking for it, but it was probably around $1,000—way out of our price range.  They expected you to bargain in these stores, but I am not a bargainer.  Bud is.  After lengthy negotiations, he told them he would pay no more than $400.  They countered with $410.  He told them $400 was his final offer.  They asked if he was going to let a mere $10 keep his wife from having this bracelet that she so obviously loved.  He said “Yes” & we walked out of the store.  They cane running after us.  Bud won—or I guess I did—I got my $400 bracelet!   

At that time, Hong Kong had a couple of department stores run by the communist government.  Their prices were unbelievable.  There was no bargaining, nor was any necessary.  Bud got a few silk neckties & I bought a pair of 100% silk slacks & 2 embroidered “pictures”—all for around $1 each!  

We also took a bus tour of part of China—a difficult thing to do at the time because of politics.  I remember visiting a kindergarten (the children were adorable) & being served warm beer.  Below is a picture of busy Hong Kong harbor.


Our next stop was Manila, where we stayed in the Douglas MacArthur suite of our hotel.  I’m not used to the life of a plantation slave owner, so I was uncomfortable with the fact that we had a houseboy who slept on the kitchen floor.  Manila seemed to have only the very rich or the very poor—no middle class.  If you were poor, you lived on the street (literally) & begged.  If you were rich, your world was filled with beautiful places that Ferdinand & Imelda Marcos had built.  We found it depressing.

From there we went to Thailand.  There were many signs in the airport warning travelers to watch out for pickpockets & con men.  (We got a call at the hotel from a man who identified himself as our driver & told us our car was ready.  That would have been fine, except we hadn’t yet ordered a car!!) 

We had dinner in the penthouse restaurant of our hotel.  The maĆ®tre d’ seated us & handed each of us a menu.  He returned in a couple of minutes & very apologetically took my menu & Helen’s & gave us new ones.  We couldn’t understand why until Joe explained it.  We had originally been given “host” menus—with prices—instead of “guest” menus—with no prices.  Neither Helen nor I had noticed there were prices on ours!!  

Thailand was fascinating.  We saw Buddhist monks with their shaved heads & colorful robes.  We saw the palace of the king of Siam.  It was being renovated & was covered in scaffolding & it was still the most beautiful building I’d ever seen.  The outer walls were covered by thousands of tiny mosaics.  We rode a bus (motorboat) down one of the many canals & went to an elephant market.  Below are pictures of Bud, me & Helen in front of the palace & Joe looking at a baby elephant being offered for sale at the market.






A reminder from Fozzie Bear not to over-imbibe on New Year's Eve:



Look what happens when you put noisemakers in the exhaust:

To see some suggestions for resolutions, click here.













Have you read this yet?
Here's why you should:


Happy new year!!----fishducky

 





GIMME AN” F”—GIMME AN “O”—GIMME AN “O”—GIMME AN “O”—WAIT A MINUTE, HOW MANY “O”’S ARE IN FOOTBALL, ANYWAY?





Yesterday, December 30th was the last game of the 2018 season.  If you're trying to taper off instead of giving it up cold turkey, here's a post about football for you from 2015.

Some jokes:

The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a Humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
http://www.funny-jokes-quotes-sayings.com/
------------------------------
It was a particularly tough football game, and nerves were on edge. The home team had been the victim of three or four close calls, and they were now trailing the visitors by a touch-down and a field goal. When the official called yet another close one in the visitors' favor, the home quarterback blew his top.


"How many times can you do this to us in a single game?" he screamed. "You were wrong on the out-of-bounds, you were wrong on that last first down, and you missed an illegal tackle in the first quarter."

The official just stared.

The quarterback seethed, but he suppressed the language that might get him tossed from the game. "What it comes down to," he bellowed, "is that you STINK!"

The official stared a few more seconds. Then he bent down, picked up the ball, paced off 15 yards, and put the ball down. He turned to face the steaming quarterback.

The official finally replied, "And how do I smell from here?"

http://www.ask8ball.net/
--------------------------------
A local football star is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A woman is standing three floors up on a ledge holding her pet cat in her arms.

“Hey, lady,” he yells, “Throw me the cat.”

“No,” she cries, “It's too far.”

“I play football, I can catch him!”

The smoke is pouring from the windows & finally the woman kisses her cat goodbye & then tosses him down onto the street. The football player keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The cat bounces off an awning and football player runs into the street and catches the cat. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers. He does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then ‘spikes' the cat into the pavement.
http://www.guy-sports.com/

Some shorter jokes:

How do you know if a Georgia football player has a girlfriend?You see tobacco juice on both sides of his F-150.
How many Alabama freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a sophomore course.
What do you have when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders together?
A full set of teeth.


How do you get an Auburn cheerleader into your dorm room?
Grease her hips and push.


How do you get a Texas A&M player off your front steps?
Pay him for the pizza.


Why is the Kansas football team like a possum?
Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.


What are the three longest years of a Mizzou football player's life?
His freshman year.


Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

Some quotes:

He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words.- Urban Meyer, on one of his players
Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated.- Lou Holtz
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.- Vince Lombardi
Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.- Fran Lebowitz

A funny routine from 1987:


And, of course, some cartoons:





















Two of my all-time favorite movies are about football: 
Brian's Song (1971) & The Longest Yard (1974)--NOT the Adam Sandler remake!!

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead----Erma Bombeck (& fishducky)