Follow

Thursday, January 11, 2018

MEET THE FAMILY, PART 3: MATTHEW

He is sometimes known as "Fishman".
This picture was made by him.
The resemblance is uncanny.



(Reworked from a lot of old posts & some of it is new.)

When our first son was born we wanted to give him a very masculine name.  One where even his nickname would be masculine. We named him Matthew Joseph (the Joseph was after my uncle) & we called him Matt.  Our pediatrician came to my hospital room to examine him.  He looked at him & said, "Hello, Mattie."  That was the last time he was ever called that!!

When my kids were small I read to them every day.  They all wanted to sit next to me.  (I don't know if that was because they loved me or they wanted to see the pictures in the book.)  That created a small problem.  Three kids, only two sides.  Matt would relinquish his seat next to me & let his brother or sister sit there if they arrived late.  

I don't mean to say that he was perfect, by any means.  He deliberately rode his bike into a construction pit, jumped off the front porch (a one story fall) using an umbrella as a parachute, & wasn't too fond of bathing as a child.  He once wrote his opinion of showering on the steamed up mirror. (He wrote "fucke" instead of "fuck"; it looked as if Shakespeare was swearing!!)

He's always had a good sense of humor, even as a child.  A friend of ours had an operation to have part of his colon removed.  We were discussing this at the dinner table & Matt asked us, "If he had part of his colon removed, does that mean that now he only has a semicolon?"

He's had a weight problem most of his life.  He must have been around 9 or 10 when he had some sort of stomach problem.  He couldn't stop vomiting.  We took him to the ER & they gave him meds but they didn't do much to help.  He had dry heaves for about a week.  When they stopped he was mad because he hadn't lost a lot of weight.

When our boys were very small they shared a room.  Their twin beds were against the walls in the shape of an “L”.  The head of Matt’s bed was next to the bedroom door.  He liked to swing the door back & forth.  Sometimes (apparently more often than I realized) it would hit the wall.  One day he called us into his room to show us his “accomplishment”.  He pointed out where he had rammed the door into the wall so many times that there was now a hole in the wall.  He proudly said, “Look!  I made a space for the doorknob.” 

Matt must have been about 8 when he was dancing around & fake punching me.  He kept saying, "Bob!! Weave!! Bob!! Weave!!"  I leaned over, shook his hand & said, "Fran Fischer.  Glad to meet you."  He thought it was funny.

When he & Linda were first married he was the Assistant Travel Director for the San Francisco Giants baseball team.  He had to go to all the games, both home & away, & his new bride missed him when he was gone.  His mind works like mine (I’m sorry, Matt) & he came up with a solution.  They should get a large dog, like a boxer.  He figured that the dog could lay on the couch & sleep, snore & drool--with one paw on the remote.  That way, she’d never know he was gone!!

     His wife shares my way of thinking about cleaning.  When my grandson was about to be born I flew to Connecticut to help out.  Linda had gone out & I was sitting & visiting with Matt & their little daughter.  I looked around at the mess & said to Matt, "I'm so glad that Linda feels comfortable enough around me that she didn't go crazy cleaning for my visit."  Matt laughed & said, "She did!!"  I bought her this sign which she proudly still keeps hanging in her kitchen:


Matt knows how much I love Dr. Seuss, so he sent me this email. I decided to give him a Seussian reply, not expecting an entire conversation to develop.  (Ed. note: My cat scan was a checkup; everything's fine.  Lisa is his daughter.  I get leg cramps because I'm old.  He gets them because he goes on 100 mile charity bike rides.  He asked me about a remedy I use.  And, yes, he is bald!)

On Mon, Jul 20, 2015 at 6:42 AM, Matthew Fischer wrote:
I'm buying this book because of this review,
it made me buy it, how about you?


I replied:
On Mon, Jul 20, 2015 at 9:52 AM, fishducky wrote:
If I didn't buy this book from Dr. Seuss
I'd feel as silly as a goose.
I didn't know that it existed
But I love everything that Seuss twisted.
Thanks for letting me know about it.
Reading it should make my brain more overcrowded!!

On Mon, Jul 20, 2015 at 10:11 AM, Matthew Fischer wrote:
Your brain is like a bottomless pit,
filled to the top with useless shit.
If you read this book there will be even more,
but when you start to recite it dad will show you the door.
Not sure if that matters after 60 years,
my guess is by that point you've run out of fears.

On Mon, Jul 20, 2015 at 1:21 PM, fishducky wrote:
Are you implying I have no real knowledge
Just 'cause I didn't graduate college?
And Dad, after what our marriage has made of him--
I am no longer afraid of him!!

On Mon, Jul 20, 2015 at 10:27 AM, Matthew Fischer wrote:
I've never thought college made anyone smart.
I graduated with honors but I just scratch and fart.

On Mon, Jul 20, 2015 at 1:31 PM, fishducky wrote:
I have nothing to add to this poem
Except that I'm glad you don't live at hoem (home?)!!

On Mon, Jul 20, 2015 at 10:37 AM, Matthew Fischer   wrote:
Where I reside is bad enough,
Lisa's the only one who appreciates my stuff.
My wife and son both have really good features,
but when it comes to sarcastic humor they're lacking creatures.
Glad I got those traits from the family of you,
but some hair on my head would have been nice too.

On Monday, July 20, 2015 at 1:58 PM, fishducky wrote:
If no hair on your head you consider a lack,
Let your eyebrows grow out & comb them straight back.
Sorry it took so long for this reply,
But I had to go eat or I feared I might die.
I had a cat scan this morning & they told me I oughter
Fast after midnight & only drink water.
Like Lisa, I'm glad you're so funny,
And I hope that stuff helps your cramps, honey.

On Mon, Jul 20, 2015 at 4:03 PM, Matthew Fischer wrote:
No hair on my head IS kind of a lack,
Fortunately there's plenty growing out of my back. 
Thanks for the good wishes regarding my cramps,
Hoping for one ride without my teammates calling me Gramps. 
This rhyming discourse brightened my day,
But alas it's night here so I fear it's going away. 
If you'd like to share it on your blog feel free,
There will be no lawsuit coming from me.

On Monday, July 20, 2015 at 4:32 PM, fishducky wrote:
Sweet dreams to you, my shining knight,
I assume bald heads are shiny because the skin's so tight.
Don't know if I'll put this in a post--
Lots of them are stupid, but this might be the most!! 




                                      

13 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thank you, but I have one more child!! (See tomorrow's post.)

      Delete
  2. I have two middle children, I think they turned out pretty well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not sure that TWO can qualify as a middle child!!

      Delete
    2. M is in between T and K, so he's a middle, then K is in between M and J, so she's also a middle.

      Delete
  3. Matt is my middle also...he turned out pretty good too.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I only had the one to raise so he was first, middle, and last...and I was mother and father. We kind of crunched it all up--LOL! ;)

    Matt sounds like a great guy! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know if having only one is easier or harder; & he is a great guy!!

      Delete
  5. Dear Fishducky, I so enjoyed the rhyming marathon between you and "Mattie"! Peace.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I love the Seuss-mails between you and Matt!

    ReplyDelete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.