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Friday, May 18, 2018

HOW THE SKUNK GOT ITS SMELL





Long, long ago (even before your narrator was born) God created skunks.  He created a lot of other animals, too, but this story is about skunks.

“What pretty little things they are,” God thought, “Surely they don’t need a defense mechanism.  I gave elephants their size. I gave many other animals speed & sharp teeth to defend themselves.  I even gave the delicate butterfly flight.  But no one would ever want to harm the precious little skunk.”

Wrong!!

Other animals found them to be delicious.  And fashion conscious women loved the black & white striped fur coats furriers made out of them.

One day at the skunk meeting hall they discussed this problem.  What could they do?  They needed to find an answer quickly before the species was extinct!!  It was suggested they go on a diet of onions & garlic so their breath would ward off predators.  That didn’t work because mountain people found that it just gave extra flavor to their skunk stew.  They needed something more powerful.

Then Sammy Skunk came up with a brilliant idea; chili!!

Have you ever noticed that you never see skunks at night?  It’s because now they’re all in the forest cooking & eating big pots of delicious 5-star ass kickin’ chili & beans, which gave them SUPER FARTS!!  Washing it down with a few beers added that special little something.  Those farts could keep a gorilla at bay.  (This, of course, was not necessary because gorillas are vegetarians, but you know what I mean.)

Other animals soon learned to avoid skunks & women stopped wearing skunk fur because furriers refused to make them.  Who would want their furs and/or furriers to smell like chili farts?






















Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a shower----fishducky

 


19 comments:

  1. We don't have skunks in Australia and for that I am deeply, deeply, grateful.
    We do have my sister, she of the water phobia who avoids washing as much as possible.

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    1. She doesn't eat 5 star chili, does she?

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    2. No. Another thing I am deeply grateful for.

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  2. Like River, I am grateful. Pretty critters but...

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  3. Fun post. I always wondered why skunks smell so bad... now I know. Man, once you smell that scent, you never forget it. And ain't it grand when your dog gets sprayed? Takes forever to neutralize the stench.

    Our neighbor had a pet skunk in the seventies. Cute little thing. It'd lift its butt and drum its front paws on the floor. Its scent glands were removed, but it still didn't smell so hot. It kinda smelled like a French whorehouse. The uber-sweet perfume spray our friend used on it was almost as bad as the natural scent.

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    Replies
    1. How do you know what a French whorehouse smells like?

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  4. Back in the day, we had a lo-haired German Shepherd that tangle with a skunk. We didn’t think the stink would ever come off of that dog.

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  5. I had a pet skunk!! He was the sweetest thing...except when he was defending his food. Loved baths. Almost caused car accidents when I was walking him on his leash outside. BTW--he followed me when we were out walking. Was cuddly and loved attention, but he dug a very deep hole in the yard (my dad was furious) and got into everything--especially the trash (my mom was furious)--LOL! But even they loved him. Oh, and he was fixed and de-scented.

    I have to say that Pepe La Pew really taught negative ideas about love and romance to children. Thank goodness he did no more than restrain her to KISS her. Whew!

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    1. You're the only one I know who had a pet skunk. I'd love to have gone on walks with you!!

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  6. You now know one more person who had a pet skunk. Mine didn't walk on a leash though. My boss had him for his kids and they didn't take care of him so I got him. He was a huge chow hound and even though de-scented, he still had a musky odor. He used the litter box like a cat. However, I would never recommend one as a pet.

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    Replies
    1. I thought being de-scented got rid of the musky odor!

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  7. Heeheehee! Pepe really was a rascal, but as a child i never thought much about it.

    Sweetie keeps talking about wanting a pet skunk, but he is out of his mind if he thinks i will agree to it.

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    1. It doesn't sound like Sweetie will get his wish!!

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  8. On the way to school one morning, the truck ahead of me ran over a skunk. It flipped back under my Tahoe just as the spray was coming out. You'd be amazed how much odor can work its way through the vents.

    The kids sniffed me a lot that day, even though my first class revealed the story to them. One said she was not a fan of my new perfume. It took a couple of weeks before my soft leather briefcase lost the skunk smell.

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.