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Monday, May 28, 2018

MY FRIENDS ARE FUNNY!!



(A reworked post from October 2012)


           My friend Bonnie & I were playing golf behind a very slow group of men.  She exasperatedly asked me why it is that men will spend 10 minutes looking for a lost ball, but they won’t take 5 seconds to find your “G spot”!!

    Here’s another of hers: Bonnie & my very prim & proper (appearing) mother-in-law, Audrey, were among our guests at a formal luncheon.  I don’t think they had met before.  They were sitting next to each other.  Something gooey, chocolaty & decadently delicious was served for dessert.  Bonnie tasted it & said without thinking, as she was prone to do, “My God, this is better than sex!!” & was instantly embarrassed because of who her luncheon partner was.  She fell in love with Audrey when she smiled & replied, “Yes, it is--& you don’t have to wash up afterwards, either!!”

            Then there’s my friend, Bernice.  Her husband had Alzheimer’s & had become very argumentative.  He had become nearly impossible to live with.  Shortly after his death she & I were marketing together.  We were at the meat counter.  She told me she was buying a steak for dinner.  She said that she had had steak the previous night, but she felt like having steak again & now that she only had herself to be concerned about, she could have whatever she wanted.  Bernice looked at me & said, “There MUST be a downside to being a widow, but so far I haven’t found what it is!!”

And I certainly can’t forget Barbara!  She & I sometimes used to act like a lesbian couple.  WE ARE BOTH STRAIGHT!!  We were in Walmart & had our purchases in the same cart.  I unloaded mine & then helped her unload hers.  She said, coyly, “You’re so strong & powerful--thank you!!”  I lowered my voice & said, “You’re welcome, Honey.”  I paid for my things, loaded both hers & mine into the cart & told her I was taking it outside to have a cigarette while she paid for her stuff.  Apparently she didn’t hear me because she looked around & asked the cashier where her things were.  The cashier said, “Your--uh, your, uh--your FRIEND took them out!!”

Barbara & I were playing golf when I slipped & broke my left wrist.  After finally convincing her that my wrist really hurt & that it wasn’t that I wanted to quit because I was playing poorly, she drove me to the ER.  She was in the room with me when the doctor told me I’d have to remove my engagement & wedding ring because my hand would swell up.  I took them off & handed them to Barb who tearfully said, “You’ve been promising me these rings forever & you had to break your wrist for me to get them!!”  The look that passed between the doctor & the nurse was priceless!! 

Lots of cartoons today:
          


            

















Honor our fallen heroes!!




Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy----Spike Milligan (& fishducky)

 

22 comments:

  1. Love your friends. And suspect they have a tale or two to tell about you.

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  2. I once had a work colleague tell me she didn't like me and when I said I was okay with that she got quite upset. As if she wanted me to beg her to like me? not happening. I have friends, I don't need the whole world to like me.

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  3. Someone told a friend that a chocolate cake was better than sex and he replied, either I haven’t had a good cake or you haven’t had good sex.

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  4. My BFF, Ruby, died several years ago. I still miss her. We could talk to each other about absolutely anything and were always each other's cheerleaders. Sounds like you have some wonderful friends, too. :)

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  5. Dear Fran, your women friends seem to be like you--they have a great sense of the the ridiculous about life! How fortunate you are. Peace.

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    1. Ridiculousness is a prerequisite to being a friend of mine!!

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    2. Dear Fran, thanks for saying that, I've always hoped that I was a little ridiculous! And that I could laugh at the absurdity of it all. Peace.

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  6. You and your friends are just delightful. Still giggling over the truth of the G spot.

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    Replies
    1. It's more important to them that they find their ball(s)!!

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  7. I love that joke (fact) about men looking for a ball versus a G-spot. Great example of how humor resides in the truth.

    Cheers to you, Fishducky!

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  8. Have you ever had Better Than Sex cake? I made one once. It was.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. No, but I've had worse than cake sex!!

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  9. Men can't seem to believe that we would prefer a friendship with another woman over a legitimate or clandestine relationship with them!

    When I was single and teaching at a school in the middle of nowhere, I woke up one morning to find that my car had a flat tire. I called my second-best ol' teaching buddy Karen to swing by and give me a ride to work. She dropped me off in front of the high school, and proceeded on up the drive to her job at the elementary. When I went into the office, the principal and athletic director greeted me. "I see you rode to school with Karen."

    "Yes, I have a flat tire." The look they exchanged with each other TOTALLY relayed that they didn't believe it, and assumed I had spent the night with Karen. Not that there's anything wrong with that! Just not the true scenario.

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    Replies
    1. If it weren't for the sex & which one of us had to earn a living, I think I could have happily married a woman!!

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