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Friday, May 4, 2018

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM WATCHING TV




TV can be very educational.  If I hadn't watched TV, I'd never have known that:


--There will always be a parking spot directly in front of any building you want to visit.

--If you are alone & surrounded by a group of ninjas intent on taking you down with martial arts, they will patiently wait their turn & attack you one at a time.

--It takes too long for lab tests to be completed, unless you are at NCIS.

--Cuts & contusions heal in a few minutes.  Broken bones may take an hour.

--Streets are wet & shiny at night even if it hasn't rained.

--Doctors must wear stethoscopes at all times so people will know they are doctors.

--Cars can easily make 20 to 30 foot jumps just by using mounds of dirt or cheap wooden planks.  When they land, the car sustains no damage at all.  

--Foreign speakers (including alien beings) speak English when they are alone.

--If you need a particular celebrity for a school show or prom, they will be in your town at exactly the right time.

--If you are in Paris, you will always have a view of the Eiffel Tower.

--If you need to see a news story on TV, it will be starting at the exact  moment you turn the set on.

--You & 5 or 6 of your friends will always find an empty table in the center of a coffee shop, even during high traffic hours.

--If you're a good guy, you will never run out of ammunition.

--Groceries come in a plain brown paper bag & are required to have crusty bread & leafy green vegetables sticking out.

--In a high speed chase, traffic is spaced so that the bad guy & the police can weave in & out.












I used to watch a lot of TV.   Now about the only show I watch with any regularity is "Jeopardy!". Did you know that if you record it & fast forward through the commercials & the interviews, the show is only about 15 minutes long?  Some funnies about it:






I'll get back to you when Jeopardy's over----fishducky


18 comments:

  1. Love the cartoon about low definition eyesight. Guilty.

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  2. I've noticed most of those things about TV shows too, but hadn't noticed the shiny roads. I'd seen them of course, but hadn't realised they shouldn't be shiny if the weather is dry. The one that gets me the most is when they turn on the TV and the thing they need to see is right there without even having to change the channel.

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  3. You are correct. I tried to jump a dirt pile with my bike when I was a kid and I bent my rim.

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    1. I assume you bent your bike's rim & not yours!!

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  4. These were spot on and made me grin. I learned about no look driving. Cops, first responders, or just any driver can look directly at his passenger and talk for two minutes while at high speed. They never even have a close call.

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    1. Don't try that unless you're on TV!!

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  5. Yes!! All those things are so true in TV and movie world. The same thing happens when they turn on the radio in the older movies. (Notice they rarely ever use the radio anymore in shows.) And now with the superhero shows...well, anything goes. Like the cartoons--you can defy gravity, have car-lifting strength, climb out of smashed vehicles or from under any huge heavy object with a couple scratches and yet are totally able to run like the roadrunner. ;)

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    1. "climb out of smashed vehicles or from under any huge heavy object with a couple scratches and yet are totally able to run like the roadrunner" has always fascinated me!!

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  6. What kind of idiot woman gets out of bed when she hears someone come in through her window in the middle of the night armed with nothing other than her bare feet and a small teddy bear? Okay, I exaggerate, sometimes she carries a small flashlight, but good grief, even cops call for back-up.

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    1. May I very politely ask what in the hell are you talking about?

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  7. Of course I always notice that TV people live on celery and crusty bread!

    I've known about the convenient celebrity thing since The Brady Bunch, when Marcia had Davy Jones at her junior prom, and Greg got coached by Don Drysdale in his AstroTurf back yard, as Bobby did with Joe Namath.

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  8. I know all of these to be true.

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  9. This was so funny! And it's true, us foreign speakers do speak English when alone. I do it all the time.

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    1. I wouldn't post anything that wasn't true!!

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.