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Friday, June 29, 2018

DO CRABS THINK WE WALK SIDEWAYS & OTHER DUMB QUESTIONS



Do crabs think we walk sideways?

A joke for you:


The Lobster Princess is in love with a crab, but her father, the Lobster King, says, "No daughter of mine can marry a creature that walks sideways!!" So the Lobster King organizes a big party with suitable forwards-walking crustaceans for her to choose from. Suddenly, the crab bursts into the ballroom and walks straight ahead down the red carpet. All are astonished!! So the crab goes up to the Lobster King, looks him in the eye and says... "I am so drunk!!"

These questions are mine:

What would life be like for a bird who had a fear of heights?

Why don't they call it teethpaste?  You brush more than one tooth.

How many chickens would it take to kill an elephant?

Is cereal really cold soup?

If humans had tails, what would pants look like?

Why don't they sell farmers at a farmer's market?


From reddit.com:

Why can't I stop travelling into the future?
Will intelligent life ever be found on Earth?

And from crazythoughts.com:
Are Jewish vampires afraid of crosses?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
Can you daydream at night?
Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with their mouth full?
How come you can buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop? 
If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, why doesn’t it go bad inside the cow?
How fast do hotcakes sell?
Can a cemetery raise its prices and blame it on the cost of living? 
Can atheists get insurance for an act of God?
Can you successfully throw a surprise birthday party for a psychic?
Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?
If a criminal turns himself in, shouldn't he get the reward money?
If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn?
Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?
Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?


Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Q: HOW MANY DOCTORS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB? A: THAT DEPENDS ON WHETHER IT HAS HEALTH INSURANCE.







Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: There is nothing to change.



Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already 
caused it to happen.



Q: How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Why bother? It's just going to burn out again anyway.



Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a light bulb? 

A: Eight. One to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every 
light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.



Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but she uses a hammer!!



Q: How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

A: That depends on the speed of the changer, and the mass of the bulb. Or vice 
versa, of course. Then again,  it just might be easier to leave the bulb alone 
and change the room. It's all relative.



Q: How many Dadaists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three. One to change the light bulb, and two to fill the bathtub with 
brightly-colored machine parts.



Q: How many Marxists does it take to change a proletariat light bulb?

A: None. A proletariat light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.



Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.



Q: How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes 
a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless 
absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
(quora.com)



(Sorry, the following refused to be copied properly.)
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and
efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i. e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the
following steps:
1.)The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his
option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
2.)Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes
separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3.)Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part
(Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
Note:
The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."
(reddit.com)















----fishducky


 


Monday, June 25, 2018

FLIPPING YOUR FLIP FLOPS TO HELP OUR FINNY FRIENDS


What do Barack Obama on vacation in Hawaii, the Dalai Lama just about anywhere, Northwestern University’s women’s lacrosse team at the White House, and Elle Macpherson at the Met Gala have in common?

Answer: They all created a minor stir when they wore flip-flops.

The $20-billion flip-flop industry is responsible for causing more than a fashion no-no, however; the humble sandal contributes to the mountains of plastic pollution in the ocean — 8 million tons annually.

Flip-flops are made from a variety of materials, including rubber, foam and plastic. Millions are sold each year; in 2006, flip-flop sales exceeded those of sneakers for the first time. While some designer styles can be pricey, most flip-flops are inexpensive, costing as little as $5. The cheapest ones cost as little as 99 cents.

“Over three billion people can only afford flip-flops,” says Erin Smith, CEO of Ocean Sole, a Kenyan recycling collective and artists consortium. “Those shoes are worn literally to threads. They hang on to them, fix them, duct-tape them, mend them and then usually discard them. These flip-flops ultimately make it to the ocean.”

On East Africa’s Indian Ocean beaches, about 90 tons of discarded flip-flops wash up. “We are the receivers of pretty much the rest of the world’s marine pollution," Smith says. “But flip-flop pollution isn’t about losing your sexy shoe on a boat in St. Tropez or having your favorite Havaianas wash away in Hawaii — it’s about the millions of people who can only afford a cheap rubber shoe and have no ethical or eco-friendly way to discard them.”

Ocean Sole’s mission is to not only contribute a solution to the plastic marine debris issue, but also to provide a source of income for some of Kenya’s poorest citizens. It was started by Kenyan native and diver Julie Church in the late 1990's, says Smith, who is also a diver.

“Back in the 90's, Julie discovered an entire beach was covered in flip-flops,” Smith says. “What she saw was a whole ecosystem that was being ruined by this massive increase in marine pollution.”

Today, Ocean Sole has 50 full-time employees who create art from the washed-up flip-flops that are collected on the beaches of Kenya and other East African countries.

The sculptures include a life-size rhino, hippo and giraffe, and a blue whale, octopus, albatross and jellyfish made for a recent United Nations Environment Assembly held in Nairobi. “We’ve made art pieces for malls, shows and hotel lobbies,” says Smith. “Anything can be made from flip-flops — even furniture and chandeliers.”

Last year, Ocean Sole upcycled 400,000 flip-flops, and Smith estimates that the company is capable of repurposing double that number.

“We want our art to bring awareness to this ugly, poverty-driven problem that is negatively impacting both humans and our sea,” says Smith.
(scubadiving.com/Patricia Wuest)


Some examples of their work:






















This begins my 5th year of blogging!!