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Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Q: HOW MANY DOCTORS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB? A: THAT DEPENDS ON WHETHER IT HAS HEALTH INSURANCE.







Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: There is nothing to change.



Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already 
caused it to happen.



Q: How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Why bother? It's just going to burn out again anyway.



Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a light bulb? 

A: Eight. One to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every 
light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.



Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One, but she uses a hammer!!



Q: How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

A: That depends on the speed of the changer, and the mass of the bulb. Or vice 
versa, of course. Then again,  it just might be easier to leave the bulb alone 
and change the room. It's all relative.



Q: How many Dadaists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three. One to change the light bulb, and two to fill the bathtub with 
brightly-colored machine parts.



Q: How many Marxists does it take to change a proletariat light bulb?

A: None. A proletariat light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.



Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.



Q: How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes 
a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless 
absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
(quora.com)



(Sorry, the following refused to be copied properly.)
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and
efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i. e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the
following steps:
1.)The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his
option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
2.)Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes
separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3.)Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part
(Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
Note:
The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."
(reddit.com)















----fishducky


 


14 comments:

  1. I don't mind who assists me, any of the above will do just fine.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It may have wanted to print goofy but I LOVED the lawyer version!!
    Have a wonderful day, Fran! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. The lawyer one....I just skipped to the end.
    Lisa

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You didn't read the ENTIRE contract?

      Delete
  4. And to think you have been married to a lawyer all these years. Bless your heart.
    These were all fun but the blonde with a hammer was hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Heh, heh! The "Who does your hair" is my favorite. They sure don't make light bulbs like they used to.

    ReplyDelete
  6. With husbands, it’s not how many it takes, it how long!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Here I just grab the big ladder and do the job myself, takes five minutes, because the ladder is heavy and awkward to move.
    What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
    You can unscrew a lightbulb.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've warned you about my commenters being funnier than me!!

      Delete

Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.