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Friday, August 31, 2018

I SAY "PO-TAY-TO" & YOU SAY "PO-TAH-TO" & I’M RIGHT!!

Couch potato

(Reworked from a 2015 post with the old cartoons & lots of new ones.)



This Sunday, August 19, 2018 is National Potato Day.
Don't forget to mark your calendars!!


Potatoes have a long history.  Are you familiar with King Frederick II of Prussia?
Would you like to be?  If so, read on:

The Legend of the Potato King

A story in potato prints.
This year marks the 300th birthday of King Frederick II of Prussia, also known as Frederick the Great or, locally, Old Fritz, who is remembered for his feats of guile on both the battlefield and the potato field.
There once was a king called Fritz. 
One day he heard about a new wonder plant from South America: The potato.

He planted a big field in a nearby village and preached to his subjects 
about the potato’s nutritional and economic virtues.

The subjects did not want to be told what to eat 
and rejected Fritz’s potato endorsement.


The king had an idea. He ordered his soldiers to march
 to the village and guard the potato field.

The fortified field piqued the villagers’ curiosity.


The king ordered the guards to go easy on the vigilance at night, 
allowing baited locals to steal the crop for their own gardens.


The potato flourished and has lived on as a staple of the local cuisine ever since.


The story may be just a myth. 

But to this day, people commemorate Fritz 

by putting potatoes on his tombstone.
(Sorry--I can't remember where I got this.)



How do you describe a very angry potato? Boiling Mad.

What do you call a baby potato? A small fry!

What do you say to a 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.

What does a British potato say when it thinks something is wonderful? It’s mashing!

Why did the potato cross the road? He saw a fork up ahead.

Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a commentator.

Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.

Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day two potatoes, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured potato called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured potato was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. 

After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured potato, "I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through.  The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life.” 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 
A potato, a cucumber and a penis were talking about their awful lives. The potato said, “My life sucks; when I get big and fat they cut me up and fry me.” 

The cucumber said.  “When I get big and fat they cover me in vinegar & throw me in a jar.”  

The penis said, “You think that’s bad?  When I get big and fat they pull a plastic bag over my head, stick me in a dark, damp room and bang my head against the wall till I throw up and pass out!!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 A guy walks into the doctor's office with a baked potato in each ear, and french fries stuck in his nose. The man says, "Doc, I feel terrible. What's wrong with me?" The doctor says, "Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly!!" 
above jokes courtesy Jokes4us.com



How french fries are actually made.


This was in my doctor's office:








Here's more Mr. Potato Head for you:





 

























Sometimes I find a random screw lying around my house & I just assume it's from my brain getting loose----fishducky




Wednesday, August 29, 2018

CONFESSIONS OF A FISHDUCKY

And sometimes I was a bad girl!!

(Some of this is from older posts.  Some of it isn't.  The cartoons are new.)

Sit down.  What I’m going to tell you may come as a shock.   know some of you will find this hard to believe, but I wasn't always perfect.   Let me give you some of the very few examples of this:

When I was about 4--I remember being perfect until that time--my brother was ill & the doctor was coming over to examine him. (Ask your parents what the archaic term “house call” means.  Or your grandparents.)  I was in our backyard doing some genteel ladylike thing such as climbing a tree or possibly digging a hole.  My mother came & got me & dragged led me into the house so she could clean me up in preparation for the doctor’s visit.  She took a washcloth & scrubbed my face.  This did not go over too well with me.  According to my mother, I screamed at her, “PUT THAT DIRT BACK ON MY FACE!!

We used to go to Acapulco with friends every year.  We always stayed at Hotel Las Brisas.  Las Brisas consists of about 250 “casitas” (little free-standing houses).  Each one has its own fenced in privacy pool where you could go skinny dipping without being seen by anyone.  Early every morning someone would come, clean out the old flowers & toss a few fresh hibiscuses in the pool.  (One day I told Bud I was very upset that I couldn’t use the pool yet.  He asked me why & I told him the flower man was late.  Yesterday’s flowers were still in the pool!!)  Bud & I had finished our room service lunch & had put the tray outside the gate so it could be picked up & we could skinny dip without interruptions.  Someone came to get the tray & I heard the rattling of dishes & glassware.  We had been married between 20 & 25 years at the time, but as they say, old habits die hard.  When I heard the noise outside the gate & realized we were naked & in the pool together, I had a terrifying thought: “Oh, my God, my mother is coming!!”

Las Brisas

Another time I (may) have been guilty:  I was driving with my 3 year old daughter & infant son in the backseat.  I drove through an intersection & was pulled over by a policeman.   I asked him why he had stopped me & he told me I had run a red light.  I honestly told him that I hadn’t—that the light was amber & changing when I went through.  My helpful (?) daughter piped up, “No, Mommy, it was red!!”  It’s always nice to have a witness--however, I would have preferred one who was on my side.  I got the ticket.


This may or may not fit in here: There was the time I was feeling put upon, unappreciated & totally exhausted—in  other words, completely normal for someone with 3 children, all under the age of 6.  I couldn’t take it any longer.  I had to get away.  I HAD TO RUN AWAY!!  I couldn’t leave the kids alone so I piled them in the backseat of the car & strapped them in to keep them from killing each other.  I understand that there is a secondary (& therefore of lesser importance) benefit to seat belts.  It helps keep them safe.  They asked where we were going.  I told them “I DON’T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!” & not to say another word.  I drove.  Anywhere.  We ended up at an ice cream parlor about 5 miles from the house.  So the trip wouldn’t be a total loss, we all went in & had sundaes.  I'm sure they were curious as to why I had taken them out for a treat when they were being bad but I wouldn’t allow them to talk yet.

And the only other example I remember:  Many years ago, I was very curious about pot.  That was before I had kids, so I couldn't get it from them, not that my kids would ever use it!!  I called my niece in San Francisco & asked if she could help me.  She invited me up for the weekend & said she would be my supplier.  My niece, her boyfriend & I were peacefully smoking some pot & talking when I suddenly realized something strange; I couldn't remember what was said the last couple of seconds!!  It would come to me, but I had to wait for it.  It made for a very odd (& slow) conversation.  I never tried it again.


Some of the old cartoons:










The new ones:




























----fishducky