Friday, August 3, 2018


(Reworked from a 2012 post.)

When our daughter Nameless & son-in-law were first married, they lived in one of three small houses that we bought for rental.  Bob, who worked in Bud’s office, lived next door.  Bob had found a box containing a litter of 5 week old puppies that someone had abandoned on the street.  He gave one (“Fio”, short for “Fiorina”, little flower in Italian) to them & found other homes for the rest.  Our son-in-law was complaining that almost everything they owned once belonged to Bob.  He said, “We have Bob’s dishes, Bob’s sofa, Bob’s table…” & then he looked at Fio & said, “Come here, Bob’s dog!!”

When Fio was about 10 weeks old, my son came to visit.  He asked his sister why she got a puppy when they were so messy & caused so much extra work.  He sat down & put Fio on his lap.  She nuzzled his crotch non-stop.  He got a blissful look on his face & said, “Where can I get one of these?”

Food looks beautiful & tempting in advertisements, doesn’t it?  Do you know why you can never get yours to look that good?  I once took a photography class which was taught by a professional who also shot ads.  You probably know that they use mashed potatoes instead of vanilla ice cream because ice cream can’t stand up under all those hot lights.  But do you have any idea how they get roast turkeys to get so shiny & evenly browned?  With the new photography techniques, I don’t know it they still do it this way or not, but at that time they coated it with motor oil!

You Know You’ve Been Married a Long Time When Dept: Before the days of Netflix or when you could find out anything on your computer or Smart Phone, Bud & I had been wracking our brains for over a month trying to remember who played the role of “Doc” in the movie “Mr. Roberts”.  No particular reason, it was just frustrating not to be able to remember.  I could picture him, but could not come up with his name.  Early one morning (about 3am) I woke up with a flash of genius.  I shook Bud awake & said two words--“William Powell”--with no further explanation.  He opened one eye, looked at me & said, “You’re right!” & promptly rolled over & went back to sleep.

We were with our three kids & another couple in Hawaii.  Six of us (Bud & I, our 3 kids & Scott’s girlfriend) were enjoying the sand, the sun & the ocean.  Scott, not so much.  The ocean was too wet, the sun too sunny &, I guess, the sand was too sandy.  We decided to have a T-shirt made for him.  After quite a lengthy discussion with the clerk, who didn’t believe that was what we really wanted, the shirt was made.  It said, simply, “NATURE SUCKS”.  That, he liked!

In Hawaii, our daughter saw a T-shirt that she liked in a window.  It said, “YOUR NAME HERE”.  We went in & asked the clerk for a red one in her size. He got an unprinted shirt & asked her name.  She asked him why he wanted to know.  He told her it was so he could put her name on the shirt.  She said she wanted the shirt to say, “YOUR NAME HERE”.  He said, “I know!  So what’s your name?”  Back & forth.  She finally asked him for a piece of paper & wrote down just what she wanted it to say.  After some time, the young clerk, who had apparently taken this job so he could earn enough go to Cal Tech or MIT & become a rocket scientist, made her the shirt.  She wore it for a long time.  It said exactly what she wanted.  It looked something like this:

As my husband says, “You’ve got to take the bad with the terrible”----fishducky



  1. Thanks for this. I chuckled all the way through and it's got my day off to a grand start!

  2. Life with your family would never, ever be dull.
    Love the Doctor Snoot book and the bomb technician's t-shirt.

  3. Motor oil out here looks greenish in the bottles; if I saw a turkey coated with that there's no way it would look appetising.

  4. I just cracked up, which is funny since I'm sitting here all by myself reading your post. The reason: I just realized I know Nameless's Name! He He.....

  5. I so understand the 3 AM clarity. That is when most of my searched for names arrive.

  6. It would be nice to have to brains actually.

  7. All that dog needs is a toilet, for a beverage to wash down his pizza.


Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.