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Friday, September 28, 2018

JUST A LITTLE HOSTESS GIFT





(Originally published in 2014, with new cartoons.)


We have a friend, Theo, in Texas who used to be an accountant for an oil company.  He wasn’t wealthy, but his job gave him access to a private plane & pilot.  He invited Bud & me to join him & his wife, Lynn, on a trip to the Grand Old Opry to celebrate his 50th birthday.  He sent out the plane to pick us up in Los Angeles.  (Flying in a private plane is lovely.  It should be on everyone’s bucket list.  I love when the pilot carries my luggage to the plane & asks when we would like to take off!!)

We spent a few days in their home & then it was off to Nashville.  I was his “official” photographer & took lots of pictures of the birthday boy with the performers.  Everyone was “down home” & friendly.  It was a blast!!  We then had OUR pilot fly us to New Orleans for more fun & lots of great food.  A few days there & it was time to go home.  On the private plane, of course.

We had such a marvelous time, a really nice thank you gift was in order.  I had taken my full length “mink” coat on the trip with me.  Even though this was before the days of PETA, it was not a real fur.  It was a man-made mink that looked exactly like a real one.  (Another friend had a real mink in the same color.  I put mine next to hers & you couldn’t tell where one stopped & the other started.  The color & texture were identical.) Theo had insisted on no gifts, but Lynn loved my coat so we decided to send one to her, with his permission.  He kept it a secret from his wife.

Her cleaning woman was at her house when United Parcel rang the bell.  She told Lynn that there was a package for her.  When Lynn saw who had sent it, she told the cleaning woman that she knew that it would be something nice & to sit down & watch while she opened it.  Lynn said her cleaning woman’s face almost hit the floor when she pulled out what seemed to be a full length mink coat!!  The woman asked her why we had sent it.  She told her we were very nice people & that we sent it because we knew she would like it--& that it was a “hostess” thank you present.  

Lynn told us that the last thing she heard her cleaning woman say as she left the room was, “I wish I knew me some crazy rich people in California!!”














This is Joe Namath:

I hate wearing dead animals, but the live ones bite & scratch----fishducky

 

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

♪♫♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME ♫♪♪







Although this is not me:
Here are all the awards I've won:





(Tomorrow is my 84th birthday so it seemed appropriate to run this reworked post from January, 2012.  Besides, I felt like taking the day off.)

Although my husband claims some of my best memories never happened, I say what's the difference, as long as they're good memories?  I'm pretty sure all of these did!!  I made a list of some of the things that were interesting and/or fun in my life.  I know I can’t remember everything, but what I do remember includes:

I’ve ridden on an elephant, a camel, horses & mules.  I’ve been parasailing & in hot air balloons & the Goodyear blimp.  I’ve flown in everything from a 4 seater to a private plane to a jumbo jet. I flew at zero gravity, like an astronaut.  I’ve ridden in trucks, buses, jeeps, a Rolls Royce, limos & was a passenger in a VERY fast car on the Autobahn.  I drove my own Mustang at 105 mph--once.  I’ve been on sailboats, canoes, speedboats, catamarans, zodiac rafts, hydrofoils, pedal boats, paddlewheels, ferry boats & cruise ships, including the QEII.  I’ve been on tricycles, bicycles & roller skates.  I rode a tram car in a mine.  I’ve ridden a Segway.  I’ve been on roller coasters, bumper cars & Ferris wheels.  I’ve ridden on a hay wagon, a sled in the snow & gone snorkeling. I’ve ridden trains (including monorails & funicular railways) & small & large helicopters.  I’ve been on aerial tramways.  I tried my hand at a flight simulator that real pilots use--& (virtually) crashed.

I've taken my kids & my nieces & nephews on many whale watching trips.  I’ve petted & swam with dolphins (they feel like a wetsuit) & seen stalagmites & stalactites in caves. I’ve been to spring training with the San Francisco Giants.  I’ve petted a bobcat & once slapped her in the face.  I picked a man’s pocket (successfully) in a London restaurant to retrieve my dinner roll.  I went to the Calgary Stampede.  I’ve broken one leg, one arm & several toes. I’ve sent koi into a feeding frenzy.  My family & I saw the fireworks on July 4th, 2000, while sitting on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. I’ve seen the inside of the White House & Congress, the Viet Nam Memorial wall, the Statue of Liberty, the Mona Lisa & the Venus de Milo.  I've seen (& touched) the Liberty Bell.  I’ve seen the foliage change in New England, Plymouth Rock, the Eiffel Tower, the Berlin Wall, the Sistine Chapel, the palace of the King of Siam, Niagara Falls & a space shuttle landing. I wore real circus clown makeup in Florida.  I once flew out of Los Angeles on a Friday to attend a party in London on Saturday & returned on Sunday.  I’ve been to World's Fairs.  I’ve stayed in fleabag motels & at the Waldorf Astoria.  I've been to Disneyland & the Epcot Center.  I was at the World Series in 1989 when the Loma Prieta earthquake hit & had a challenging time driving our rental car back through a very dark San Francisco to our borrowed house.  I am an artist & work mostly with stained glass, although I’ve also worked in pen & ink, charcoals, pastels & oils.  I’ve been to most US states, including Hawaii & Alaska.  I’ve visited Canada & Mexico.  I’ve also seen Ecuador, the Bahamas, the Cayman Islands, Costa Rica, the Virgin Islands, Jamaica, the Galapagos Islands, England, France, Spain, Germany (including East Berlin), Austria, Switzerland, Italy, Ireland, the Philippines, Singapore, Morocco, Thailand, Japan & China.


We owned a condo on Maui for several years.  I’ve sewn many of my children’s clothes.  I attended UCLA & worked as a salesgirl & a dental assistant.  I’ve studied French, Spanish, Italian & Japanese.  I have been married to the same man for 62 years & am the mother of three & the grandmother of four.  I was in the delivery room when my first grandchild was born.  I was a Brownie & Girl Scout leader, head Cub Scout den mother & a donor & volunteer on Red Cross blood drives. Lucille Ball held me in her arms in a movie scene when I was a month or so old. I’ve been on TV as a contestant on "Truth or Consequences" & I answered phones on a Cerebral Palsy telethon.  At the tender age of 77, I started posting my own blog, “fishducky, finally” here at fishducky.blogspot.com.  About five years ago my first book, “Fishducky’s Fables”, was released & I have been published in several anthologies since then.  My body may be 83 years old, but in my mind I’m only 36.  I've had a great life & I'm not through yet!!  Some people might say I’ve done everything & had everything.  I say you can’t have everything!  Where would you put it? And what is my point, you ask?  My point is--if I can remember all this, why can’t I remember what I had for lunch yesterday?

Actually, I have a theory about senior's memory (or lack thereof).  I've posted this before, but if it refers to you, you probably don't remember it:

If you subscribe to the theory, as I do, that the brain is like a computer, then you know that it has a finite number of memory bytes.  As we age, gravity pulls these memories down, filling first our feet, then our legs, our bellies & butts (which would also explain why many older people seem to have gained weight in these areas) & finally reach our brains, which eventually become full.  Since humans don’t have a DELETE key, there is simply no room for new memories.  This is why we people “of a certain age” can remember who sat next to us in the third grade but have no idea of what we ate for lunch yesterday.  We are NOT forgetful—WE ARE SIMPLY FULL!!

This is my favorite card so far.
Blake's girlfriend gave it  to me: 







Some people's memories:

And others:



























Life should be an adventure, not a chore----fishducky

 

Monday, September 24, 2018

COOKING TIPS FOR BEGINNERS



(Reworked from some old posts.)



Some recipes for beginning cooks:


TAP WATER

SERVINGS                                 Nutrition

  • Ingredients
  • 1cup water
  • 1teaspoon (or more) water
  • Directions
  1. Place glass under tap.
  2. Turn tap on.
  3. Fill glass with water almost to top.
  4. Turn tap off.
  5. Top off glass with additional teaspoons of water until full.
  6. Use paper towel to mop up any spillage.
  7. Enjoy!

BOILING WATER

1.  Open your cupboard or wherever it is you store your cookware.

2.   Locate a 12-quart stockpot. If you do not have a 12-quart stockpot, you may use whatever size pot you have; in that event, keep in mind that serving size here is 1 cup and there are 4 cups in a quart. Do the math.

3.  Place your pot in the sink under the tap. If you have never used a sink before, it is the large depression in your counter top. (If you live with someone else, they may have filled it with dirty dishes; in this case, wash them or simply remove them from the sink and place them in the oven — someone else will eventually discover them there and wash them.).

4. Turn the cold-water knob to the "on" position. Some people (like my dad) prefer to let the water run a little bit. This is optional but encouraged — if it's a hot day or someone has previously used the "hot" water knob, the warmer water will eventually be replaced by truly cold water.

5.  Fill stockpot to within a couple inches of the rim.

6. Lift stockpot from sink and transfer to stove. (Although appearances may vary, the stove is the thing with 4 or more circular metal bands on top of it; alternately, it may be a completely flat black glass surface. If you are unsure, ask your family, roommate, or neighbor for guidance.).

7. Find knob on stove that corresponds to the "burner" you have placed your pot on. In addition to words like "Right Front" or "Left Rear," there are usually little pictures near the knobs to indicate position.

8.   Turn knob to "High" and wait until water boils. Depending on strength of your stove and amount of water, the boiling time may vary. Note: DO NOT WATCH THE POT; it will never boil in the event that you do.



If you feel a little more ambitious, you might want to try this:


BAKED CAMEL


Ingredients
  • large camel
  • large sheep
  • large turkeys
  • 20 large carp
  • 200 medium seagull eggs
  • 400  large dates
  • banana leaf, as needed


1.   Cook the eggs, peel them.
2.   Scale the carps.
3.  Fill the carps with the dates and the eggs. Fill the turkeys with the carps.
4.   Fill the sheep with the turkeys.
5.   Fill the camel with the sheep.
6.   Dig a large pit.
7.   Place about 500 kilos of charcoal in the pit and light them.
8.  Wrap the camel in the banana-leafs and place in the pit.
9.   Cover with earth and bake for two days
10.   Serve with rice.
food.com


We must be very careful not to use food that is old.  Below is a table that will help you:

FOOD SPOILAGE TABLE

THE GAG TEST
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).
EGGS
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.
MEAT
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
CANNED GOODS
Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a basketball should be disposed of. Carefully.
WINE
It should not taste like salad dressing.
POTATOES
Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.
GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:
Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.

     gumbopages.com


I used to write things & draw pictures on leftover containers from restaurants.  This was so I would be able to eat my own food the next day.  When the kids were still at home I would write various things on the box so they would leave it alone.  Some examples: “Keep out”, “Don’t touch” or “This is Mom’s”.  These did no good.  I graduated to “Poison” (with the appropriate skull & crossbones), “Danger—Live Snakes” & even “Caution—Radioactive Materials”!!  None of these worked either.  Now that all the kids are married & gone, I just put an “X” on the box to remind my husband not to eat it.  About nine eight seven times out of ten, he’ll leave it for me.


"Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before." —Rita Rudner
--------------------------------------------
Got anything to eat, lady?” asked the tramp. “Do you mind eating last week’s leftovers?” “Not at all.” “Good. Come back next week, then.”
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New bride: I trained our dog not to beg at the table.
Friend: How did you do that?
New bride: I let him taste my cooking.


















The best way to serve leftovers is to someone else----fishducky