Long, long
ago (even before your narrator was born) God created skunks. He created a lot of other animals, too, but
this story is about skunks.
“What pretty
little things they are,” God thought, “Surely they don’t need a defense
mechanism. I gave elephants their size.
I gave many other animals speed & sharp teeth to defend themselves. I even gave the delicate butterfly
flight. But no one would ever want to
harm the precious little skunk.”
Wrong!!
Other
animals found them to be delicious. And
fashion conscious women loved the black & white striped fur coats furriers
made out of them.
One day at
the skunk meeting hall they discussed this problem. What could they do? They needed to find an answer quickly before
the species was extinct!! It was
suggested they go on a diet of onions & garlic so their breath would ward
off predators. That didn’t work because
mountain people found that it just gave extra flavor to their skunk stew. They needed something more powerful.
Then Sammy
Skunk came up with a brilliant idea; chili!!
Have you
ever noticed that you never see skunks at night? It’s because now they’re all in the forest
cooking & eating big pots of delicious 5-star ass kickin’ chili & beans,
which gave them SUPER FARTS!! Washing it
down with a few beers added that special little something. Those farts could keep a gorilla at bay. (This, of course, was not necessary because
gorillas are vegetarians, but you know what I mean.)
Other
animals soon learned to avoid skunks & women stopped wearing skunk fur
because furriers refused to make them. Who would want their furs and/or furriers to
smell like chili farts?
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a shower----fishducky
