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Friday, December 21, 2018

NOTHING CAN POSSIBLY GO WRONG...GO WRONG...GO WRONG…






Pride comes before a fall. And every now and then, pride also comes before accidentally setting your kids on fire.  My son, Blake, was about 8 years old.  The kids were in their pajamas at the kitchen table.  I had left my cigarettes & lighter on the table.  Blake started playing with my lighter, which both scared & annoyed me.  I grabbed the lighter & we started arguing. He stood there with his arms straight out, as if he were ready for crucifixion.  He was wearing an old terry cloth robe, with its strings hanging down.  I was making a point about the lighter being dangerous & was stupidly waving it (lit) under his arms.  I swear it was at least a foot away, when the threads hanging under his arms caught fire!!  We were able to get the robe off & the fire put out with absolutely no harm to him or anyone else; but I guess I made my point.


Several years ago I ordered a new Mustang.  It was built to my specifications & I loved it.  I brought it back to the dealer because the cigarette lighter (they had them in cars back then) didn't work & I was afraid there was something wrong with the electrical system.  I had to leave it overnight.  When I went back to pick it up, it wasn't there!!  Someone had stolen it off their lot.  (They, at that time, would leave the keys for the cars in for service on a board out in the open.  Someone just walked by, took my keys & then my car.  They previously had only one other theft, the owner's son's car.  They now keep the keyboard in a locked box.)  The police finally found my car, parked on a residential street.  Some of my car, anyway.  They had taken the new tires & replaced them with crappy old ones.  They removed the seats.  You could look through the front window & see the driveshaft.  It was like they had eaten the entire orange & left me the peel!!  The dealer's insurance got me another new car, at no charge to me.

On one of our trips to Hawaii we met a lovely couple, Derek & Patricia.  Meet them here.  We were in England & decided to fly over & see them in Ireland.  We thought Patricia would like a lei so we called a florist.They had never made a lei before so I had to explain how to do it.    I guess they stopped listening after I told them to sort of weave the flowers together.  What they delivered (as I remember) was chrysanthemums & other large flowers in a circle with 10"-12" stems intact.  No way did it resemble a lei!!

We have a Jacuzzi tub in one of our bathrooms.  I used to use it all the time but I haven't been in it for years.  I decided a few weeks ago that the bubbles would feel good.  I filled the tub & tested the Jacuzzi.  It still worked fine.  I got in & the jets felt wonderful.  I soaked, then soaped, rinsed & drained the tub.  The next logical step would have been to get out.  I couldn't!!  It was not a pretty sight; a naked, fat 84 year old woman in a damp tub.  Thank heaven our caregiver was there.  He was a 6'4" gentleman with enough strength to pull me out.  I think I'll stick to showers from now on!!




























----fishducky