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Wednesday, May 15, 2019

I WANT TO EXPLAIN WHAT'S HAPPENING

I know I've been lax in answering your comments but I've been trying to get settled into my new routine here at "The Home."  For some reason, they want to continue doing things their way--not mine--so it's taking a little time.

I'm stopping my blog for a little while (or permanently, I'm not sure which).

Anyhow, if you've been worrying about me, don't.  I'm fine.  I'm just on a new schedule.  Also, I've started painting again.

See you later (or not)----Fran

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

SIGNS THAT MADE ME CHUCKLE



Signs are important.  They can tell you where you are, how much an item costs, keep you safe & many other things.  These signs I found on dumpaday.com apparently have only one purpose; to make you smile and/or laugh out loud.  See how they work for you:


















 And my favorite:











This one is for Joe:












----fishducky



 




Monday, May 6, 2019

RANDOM THOUGHTS ON AGING FROM AN OLD BRAIN





A friend told me this story:

During my brother's wedding, my mother managed to keep from crying---until she glanced at my grandparents.  My grandmother had reached over to my grandfather's wheelchair and gently touched his hand.  That was all it took to start my mother's tears flowing.  After the wedding, Mom went over to my grandmother and told her how that tender gesture triggered her outburst.  "Well, I'm sorry to ruin your moment," my grandmother replied, "But I was just checking his pulse." 
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A woman's husband dies. He had left $100,000 to be used for an elaborate funeral. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that "there is absolutely nothing left from the $100,000."The friend asks, "It was a lovely funeral, but how can that be?" The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost was $16,500. And of course I made a donation to the church. That was $1,000, and I spent another $1,000 for the wake, food and drinks. The rest went for the memorial stone. The friend says, "$82,500 for the memorial stone? My God, how big is it?"  The widow says, "Four and a half carats."
---------------------------------------------------

Q--How do older men exercise on the beach?
A--By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.  "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"  "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,  "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked  'NO REFILLS'!"


Q--How many rich older men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A--ONE.   He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles.  Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.  Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"  "He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.  "Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.  "Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.  "Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days, isn't He?"




Q-- How do older men define a "50/50" relationship?
A--She cooks, I eat; she cleans, I dirty; she irons, I wrinkle.

An old woman came into a bar & asked the bartender for a drink. Then she started to yell, "Yeah, yeah, yeah!" Five more seniors came in & started to do the same thing.  One of them had a “Barney” jigsaw puzzle. The bartender asked them, "Why are you all yelling 'Yeah, yeah, yeah!'?" They explained, "We’re here to celebrate!  We’re proud of ourselves, sonny--we did this puzzle in three hours & it says 2-3 years!"

Q--What's the best way to force an older man to do sit ups?
A--Put the remote control between his toes.

Lying on his deathbed, the wealthy Mr. Smith was instructing his attorney on last-minute changes in his will.  “I wish to leave everything I own, all stocks, bonds, property, art, & money, to my wife. However, there is one stipulation.”  “And that is?”  “In order to inherit, she must marry within six months of my death.”  The lawyer seemed puzzled. “Why make such an unusual request?”  Mr. Smith answered, “Because I want someone to be sorry I died.”

Q-- What's the smartest thing an older man can say?
A--"My wife says..."

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful & very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal & charm & who hangs over Bob's arm & listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him & ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!" They are knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?"  "I lied about my age," Bob replies. "What, did you tell her you were only 50?" Bob smiles & says, "No, I told her I was 90."

Q--Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for old men than for old women?
A--When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

A few days before her birthday a rich older husband asked his young trophy wife, “Honey, what would you like for your present?”
Wife: I really don’t think I should say.
Husband: How about a diamond ring?
Wife: I already have plenty of diamonds.
Husband: Well, then, a mink coat?
Wife: You know I don’t like furs.
Husband: A new car?
Wife: I love the one I already have.
Husband: Well, gosh, what do you want?
Wife: What I’d really like is a divorce.
Husband: To tell you the truth, I wasn’t planning on spending that much!!






















We are always the same age inside----Gertrude Stein

The older you get, the better you think you were----fishducky


 






Friday, May 3, 2019

YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO PULL OFF A HEIST





(Sorry for the change in font & size.  It's not me, it's Google!!)

Grandfathers: Maybe one of the least intimidating demographics out there. Yet on Easter weekend of 2015, a group of them pulled off what was the largest burglary in English history. This unlikely squad of conniving senior thieves responsible for stealing millions of dollars’ worth of valuables was dubbed the Grandpa Gang.

The thieves used a heavy-duty drill to bore huge holes into a concrete vault.

The gang of men, who ranged in age from 42 to 76, spent three years planning an epic raid.  Here's how it went down, according to Reuters:  The gang broke into the vault of (London's) Hatton Garden Safety Deposit Building during the long Easter weekend last year.  They entered an elevator shaft and climbed down to the vault where they used heavy equipment to drill through a thick concrete wall; initially thwarted, they returned the following day and ransacked 73 deposit boxes stealing jewels, gold and cash worth 14 million pounds (20 million USD).  As of January 2016, only about a third of that loot has been recovered.


Brian Reader, a 76-year-old man at the time of the theft, used his senior citizen pass for free bus fare to get to the scene of the crime. Who would have assumed it was a sweet old man at the center of a massive burglary? Don't let that cute granddaddy charm cloud your judgment. "We can't escape the fact that these people are callous, career criminals," Detective Superintendent Craig Turner told Reuters. "They had a long history of criminal activity behind them." In January 2015, three members of the gang were found guilty.
(Adapted from curiosity.cam)