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Wednesday, January 16, 2019

NO CHILDREN WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF THIS POST




Thank you for giving me this opportunity to brag tell you about my daughter, Nameless.  I can do that without fear of editing hurting your feelings since this is my post.  Nameless almost had her own career in show biz, like her mother.  She was a month or two old when she was selected to portray a baby (type casting) in “Bonanza” but she was too young to be covered by their insurance.  In the 1935 movie “Carnival” I was the adorable baby that Lucille Ball (in the uncredited role of a nurse) held in her arms while everybody went “AAWWW!”  That was my entire career.  I believe Lucille Ball went further.

First, I should tell you what (I believe) made Nameless the genius that she is today.  When she was a few months old, I accidentally dropped her on her head.  (TRUE)  I believe this shook her brains into proper alignment.  She is at MENSA level, & do you know, she hasn’t thanked me to this day!  She began talking very early--& hasn’t stopped yet.  When she was 13 months old, my husband took her to a family Thanksgiving dinner while I stayed home sick in bed.  I was watching a TV show about children learning to talk & I started making a list of all the words Nameless knew.  I got to 100 when I realized I could probably double that.  True, she couldn’t pronounce all of them correctly--chicken noodle soup was “hickey noonoo hoop”--but she was quite verbal.

Words were like toys to her.  She loved them.  We had this routine; I would ask her these questions & she’d answer.  When she was 2, we went to the pediatrician & did our routine for the nurse:  “What do you call a doctor who takes care of children?”  “Pediatrician.”  “Who’s the doctor that takes care of animals?”  “Veterinarian.”  “Who’s the scientist who knows all about fish?”  “Ichthyologist.”  When the doctor came in, the nurse asked Nameless the questions so he could hear her answers.  He grabbed her up & ran out of the room.  When he returned I asked him where he had taken her--& why.  He told me that his friend (another pediatrician) was waiting in his office to go to lunch with him.  He took Nameless through her routine & then said to the other doctor, “See what MY patients can do!!”

When Nameless was about 3, she wanted to learn to read.  In fact, she insisted on it!!  I didn't know how to teach her so I called UCLA & hired a tutor through them.  She loved her tutor & the lessons & by kindergarten she was reading at about a fourth grade level.  She became a voracious reader & to this day she still is.

The one time I wished she weren't so smart:  She was just under 2, I think.  She was in the car with me & we were driving through Beverly Hills.  I drove through an amber light & was pulled over by a cop.  He said I had run a red light.  I said, "No, I didn't; it was amber."  She piped up from the backseat, "Yes, you did, Mommy.  It was red!!"  The policeman believed her & I got the ticket.  I wonder if this was payback for dropping her on her head?

Nameless must have been about 6 or 7 when she was helping me clear the table after dinner.  She saw me slide the crumbs off the table with one hand & catch them in the other hand.  She slid the crumbs off her side of the table with one hand.  I guess she didn't see my other hand, under the table, catching the crumbs.  She slid her crumbs right onto the floor.

One more quick story about our pediatrician:  When he was checking our second child, Matt, right after his birth, he was looking at his fingers & toes & I heard him counting softly, 1,2,3,4,5, 1,2,3,4,5, etc.  I asked him why he was doing that.  He said that a few months before he was checking another newborn & counted 1,2,3,4,5, 1,2,3,4,5, 1,2,3,4,5, 1,2,3,4,5,6!!  He counted again; no mistake.  The child had 6 toes on his left foot.  He hesitantly told the mother, who laughed & said, “Isn’t that cute, just like his daddy!!”
















Sometimes I feel like my life is a foreign film with no subtitles.  I just keep nodding, smiling & thinking WTF----fishducky



 




20 comments:

  1. Brag to your heart's content. It sounds totally justified to me. Shame about that ticket though.

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  2. I also learned to read at 3, but that's about as smart as I got.
    I can read between the lines how proud you are of Nameless.

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  3. I think you forgot to mention that Nameless was blessed with brilliant and talented parents. Probably had more to do with her brain power than being dropped on her head.

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  4. Wow, living with a prodigy had to have been fun. Loved how the pediatrician took credit for Nameless.

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    1. Not as much fun as her teachers. One of them wrote a note on her (I think 3rd grade) report card: It has been a real chalenge (yes, SHE misspelled it!!) to have Nameless in my class.

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  5. I am not smart, my husband isn't smart so we have not smart but not stupid children, just saying

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    1. But you must be smart--you're reading my post!!

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  6. Well, Lucille Ball may've made it a bit further, but I'll bet her mother never dropped her on her head.

    Love and virtual hugs to you, Fishducky.
    Take gentle care.

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  7. You can't be mad at her for the ticket. You taught her to be honest. ;)

    Dagan talked very early, too. We had an incident with the pediatrician where we were leaving walking down the hallway. (Dagan wouldn't talk when we were in the room because he didn't trust doctors since he had spent so much time with them since he was an infant--LOL!) They had huge colorful pictures of animals on the walls and Dagan was telling me what they were--giraffe, chimpanzee, hippopotamus, etc. His doctor rushed down the hall to stop us and bring us back to do some testing on him. Dagan's not mensa material and he actually has a bit of dyslexia--it was just a smart boy alone with a super chatty mother. But I was still very proud of him and still am to this day. ;)

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  8. "Look what my patients can do!" Heeheehee! That's one i'll be laughing over for a while.

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  9. It's a good thing your acting career stalled, so you could spend more time with Nameless and give her "hickey noonoo hoop."

    My niece, who turned 5 this week, was reading complete sentences at Christmas. In fact, she was on our charades team, and read the hand-written tasks aloud if nobody guessed them. I was shocked. Of course, she has spent her weekdays since birth with my sister (the ex-mayor's wife), who is a retired kindergarten teacher.

    I figure since Nameless was reading at 3, you could have whooped my sister (the ex-mayor's wife) at a kindergarten-teaching contest!

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    1. I almost became a kindergarten teacher. One of my three majors in college was Elementary Education!!

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  10. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I havent been visiting blogs for a long time, but yours was one of the first I had to come back to,because you never disappoint with your stories! xoxo

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    1. Welcome home!! Are you the prodigal commenter?

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Your comments make my day, which shows you how boring my life has become.