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Friday, March 29, 2019

RIDDLES FOR SMART SENIORS & PRESENIORS





Something for seniors to do to keep those aging gray matter cells active...not that you're that old.  (Don't blame me for it.  I got it from Blake's girlfriend's father.)


1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May.  What was the third child's name?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers.  What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer.  How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg.  Why not?

8. What was the President’s name in 1975?

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?


















Here are the Answers: 

1. Johnny’s mother had three children.  The first child was named April.  The second child was named May.  What was the third child's name?

Answer: Johnny, of course.



2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers.  What does he weigh?

Answer: Meat


3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet.  [You’re not very good at this are you?]


4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.


5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer: Incorrectly


6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer.  How is this possible?

Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere.


7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg.  Why not?

Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg.  You need a camera to take pictures.


8. What was the President's name in 1975?

Answer: Same as is it now - Donald Trump

Did you know that Donald Trump is really Donald Duck upside down?



9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

Answer: You would be in 2nd.  Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.


10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]


11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Answer: One.  If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.

(I got them all right; did you?)



IMPOSSIBILITIES IN THE WORLD

1) You can't count your hair.


2) You can't wash your eyes with soap.


3) You can't breathe through your nose when your tongue is out.
Yes, you can, but your tongue back in your mouth, you silly person.



Ten (10) Things I know about you.

1) You are reading this.

2) You are human.

3) You can't say the letter ''P'' without separating your lips.

4) You just attempted to do it.

6) You are laughing at yourself.

7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.

8) You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.

9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.

10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

You have read this post because I didn't want to be alone in the idiot category.



TO ALL MY INTELLIGENT FRIENDS

Keep that brain working; try to figure this one out....
See if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common.

1. Banana
2. Dresser
3. Grammar
4. Potato
5. Revive
6. Uneven
7. Assess


Give it another try....
Look at each word carefully.  You'll kick yourself when you discover the Answer.  This is so cool.....

REMEMBER I ONLY POSTED THIS FOR MY SMART FRIENDS



No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters....
Answer is below.















Answer:

In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.

Did you figure it out?

No?  Then send this to more people and stump them as well.

Then, you'll feel better too.....!!












 Mother Goose and Grimm for 1/18/2019















----fishducky



 









Wednesday, March 27, 2019

WHATEVER...


(Adapted from curiosity.com)


Whatever.
How does that word make you feel? As words go, it's not a particularly beloved one. For nine years straight, "whatever" had been voted the most annoying word in the English language. Sorry, bratty teenagers.
Seriously, Whatever.
One of the most exciting days for American English comes but only once a year: the day when the New Marist Institute of Public Opinion releases its poll results for the year's most annoying words or phrases. Demonstrating commendable staying power, the word "whatever" ranked as the most annoying word or phrase used in casual conversation. And this "Clueless"–esque word held its less-than-coveted number-one spot for nine years, from 2008 to 2017.



Compared to 2016, "whatever" is beginning to gain a bit more acceptability. The poll found that only 28% of respondents under the age of 45 voted for "whatever," while it was the choice of 40% of respondents over 45. "It has been more than 20 years since 'whatever' first gained infamy in the movie 'Clueless'." Dr. Lee M. Miringoff, Director of The Marist College Institute for Public Opinion, said, "While the word irks older Americans, those who are younger might not find 'whatever' to be so annoying."
Annoying? That's Fake News
But what is it about "whatever" that really drives Americans bananas? Since 38 percent of the 1,005 people polled were most annoyed by the word "whatever," it's worth exploring. The Oxford dictionary includes this informal definition: "Said as a response, it’s the indifference that really grinds peoples' gears.”
Here are the words and phrases that ranked for really getting a rise out of people in 2017:
·         Whatever: 33%
·         Fake news: 23%
·         No offense, but: 20%
·         Literally: 11%
·         You know what I mean: 10%
For those keeping score at home, here were the words that annoyed the heck out of Americans in 2016:
·         Whatever: 38%
·         No offense, but: 20%
·         You know, right?: 14%
·         I can't even: 14%
·         Huge: 8%

















You know what I'm sayin'?----fishducky

 



Monday, March 25, 2019

MORE HAIKUS FOR YOUSE


Haikus are good for 
when you want people to think that
you are really smart.


(Reworked from some old posts.
Which ones?  I don't remember.
With all new cartoons.)

A haiku is a poem consisting of three lines.  The first line has five syllables, the second, seven & the third, five again.  The poems do not rhyme.  They are generally meant to convey a feeling or an emotion.  Following are too many some examples, which were stolen borrowed taken from too many places for me to remember so that I can give credit to their authors.  This first group I wrote:

These are MY haikus.
I think they are quite clever
But I may be wrong.

I make many errors
When using a typewriter.
Where is the Wite-Out?

If I shop online
My husband will never know
What a good idea

Baseball sometimes holds
Ten minutes of wild thrills in
A three hour game

"Duck!!" "Don’t shoot!!"  "Watch out!!"
"Batteries not included"
Words to dodge trouble

If life gives lemons
Add tequila, ice and make
A margarita

Middle of the night
I cannot open my eyes
But I need to pee

Poor hungry husband
Let's go to Jack in the Box
I have burned the roast

Oh, horrible day
I want to watch the game but
The cable is out


Painful childbirth
Screams "Get this thing out of me"
Like nine months before

Should I marry him?
He is quite rich, sick and old
How long could he last?

Show me you love me
Kiss my neck, my face, my soul
You’re such a good dog

Elephants are fat
But no one will criticize
So they don't diet


Even kids can write (or speak in) haikus:




Here are some more haikus, apparently written by computers (& some by me):

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
 

Everything is gone;
Your life's work has been destroyed.
Squeeze trigger (yes/no)?
 

Windows Seven crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
 

A file that big?
It might have been useful.
But now it is gone.
 

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
 

This site has been moved.
We'd tell you where, but then we'd
Have to delete you.
 

Abort this effort:
Save and close all that you have.
You ask way too much.
 

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.
 

With searching comes loss
And the terror of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
 

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
 

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that
 

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.
 

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
 

The ten thousand things,
How long do any persist?
Netscape, too, has gone.
 

Rather than a beep
Or a rude error message,
These words: "File not found."
 

Error message.  Damn!
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
 

No keyboard present
Hit F1 to continue
Zen engineering?



And some Redneck haikus:

Beauty naked in repose.
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mudflaps.

Damn, in that tube top
You sometimes make me forget
You are my sister.

Remorse & sadness.
Can't fit big screen TV through
Double wide trailer's door.

Unemployment's gone.
Hey, maybe I can get on
Disability.

Distant siren screams.
Dumb ass Verne's been playing with
Gasoline again.

Tonight we hunger.
Gran sent grocery money
To Jimmy Swaggert.

















 

























Had perfect haiku
In mind.  Now it's forgotten.
Damn you, ADD!!
----fishducky