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Friday, February 15, 2019

THE FOUR LITTLE PIGS




It's fairy tale week again (reworked from my book, "Fishducky's Fables") with new cartoons!!

(I understand someone wrote a story about three little pigs but I haven't been able to locate it.)




Once upon a time there were four little pigs & the time came for them to leave home & seek their fortunes.  Their mother packed them each a lunchbox full of peanut butter & slop sandwiches (their favorite), some carrot sticks, an apple & a can of V8 juice, because she was very much into healthy eating.  She gave them each a kiss & told them, “Be sure to buy some land & build a sturdy house, because that will keep you safe & warm for the rest of your lives.  Keep in touch with me & your dad & be sure to write if you find work.   Adieu, mes infants!”  (She came from a family of Porc Gascons, a French breed, & wanted everybody to know it.)

The first little pig bought some land but paid so much for it that the money he had left to spend on building materials was only enough for straw.  He had just finished building his house when there was a knock at the door.  “Who is it?” he asked.  “Avon calling,” was the reply.  “No, thank you.  I don’t need anything,” he said.  The caller, who was really a wolf, said, “Let me in or I’ll huff & I’ll puff & I’ll blow your house down!”  The pig told him, “Not by the hair on Kim Kardashian's chin, but I bet she could use one of your depilatories!”  A couple of huffs & three puffs later, down came the house & the pig was eaten.

A few days later, the wolf was hungry again.  He came upon a house of sticks, which was built by the second little pig.  “Sticks,” he thought, “No problem!”  Still, he knocked first, because that was easier.  “Who is it?” asked the pig.  “Vacuum cleaner salesman,” said the wolf.  “We have a special offer today.”  “No, thank you,” the pig said.  “I’m a pig & I like it when things are dirty.”  The wolf threatened, “Let me in or I’ll huff & I’ll puff & I’ll blow your house down!”  The pig didn’t, but the wolf did.  This time it took four huffs & seven puffs, but down came the house & the pig was eaten.

The third little pig built his house of bricks, because everybody knows that a wolf can’t blow a brick house down.  He invited his mother & father over for dinner.  After a lovely meal, his mother asked, “Do you know how your brothers are doing?  I haven’t heard from them & their cell phones aren’t working.  I think their batteries must be dead.”  “That’s not the only thing that’s dead, Maman.”  (Remember, she was French & that’s what they had always called her.)  He then told her the sad fate of the first two pigs.

Just then there was a knock at the door--that’s right, it was the wolf again.  “Who’s there?” asked the third little pig.  The wolf said, “I’m collecting for the homeless shelter.  Please help your fellow citizens.”  The pig said, “I gave at the office.”  The wolf said, “Let me in or I’ll huff & I’ll puff & I’ll blow your house down!”  “Go ahead & try,” said the pig.  “Even with halitosis as bad as yours, one wolf can’t blow down this house of bricks!”  The wolf thought about it & decided the pig was right, so he went home & returned with his entire pack.  It took several huffs & more than a few puffs, but down came the house & the pig (& his mother & father) were eaten.


The fourth little pig instigated murder charges against the wolves, who were convicted & executed after many years of appeals.  He bought a condo in a gated community in Florida & lived happily ever after.


The original cartoons:




















And the new ones:












                                          

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?----fishducky