It's still fairy tale week . It's my blog--I can make weeks as long as I want. (From my book, "Fishducky's Fables", with new cartoons)!!
Many years ago, a beautiful baby girl was born to Mr. and Mrs. William Winthrop White. She was called Snow. (Snow White--get it?) Her parents were very happy and very rich, which is one of the reasons they were very happy. Unfortunately, Mrs. White ate some bad caviar when Snow was about five years old and got food poisoning and died. After a suitable period of mourning, Mr. White remarried. His new wife was OK looking, but a real piece of work and he soon died, too. I don’t think there was foul play involved--I think he died because he wanted to.
The Widow White was very vain. Every day she would ask her talking mirror, “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?” The mirror, being a teenager, would give such answers as “You da bomb!” or “It’s you, Mamma!” but one day the mirror said, “You the phattest!” and thinking it said, “You’re the fattest!”, threw it to the ground and broke it beyond repair.
She no longer had a gauge with which to compare her beauty to others in the neighborhood. She realized her stepdaughter was getting to be a babe and put out a contract on her. The hit man (who had a heart of gold under a jacket of leather) took pity on Snow. He took her into the woods and told her to run away and not come back.
Snow wandered through the woods. She came to a very small house. She knocked on the door, intending to ask for directions, but there was no answer. The door was unlocked and since she saw no ADT or other home security sign, she went in. It was very messy and Snow was a neat freak, so she tidied it up. She found some meat and vegetables and started a stew on the little stove. Upstairs, she saw seven little beds and changed the sheets, then came downstairs and fell asleep in a little chair by the stove, where it was nice and warm.
She had no way of knowing it, but the little house was really a vacation condo that was co-owned by seven of Santa’s elves. When they came back from the day’s outing, they discovered a stranger in their house and demanded to know why she was there. Snow told them about the wicked Widow White and the hit man and asked them if she could stay with them and be their housekeeper because she really needed a job. One of the elves, Grumpy, immediately said that they should call the police. Another kept sneezing, so she reached into her pocket and handed him a Kleenex. Dopey asked what was happening, but didn't understand the explanation. A very shy elf hid behind his brother, who was delighted to see her there & couldn't stop smiling. Doc, the oldest of the group, kept yelling at the seventh elf to wake up so they could take a vote as to what to do. They agreed that she seemed very nice and that the condo had never looked better and, besides, that stew smelled wonderful so they voted six to one (Grumpy’s being the only “no” vote) to give her the job. Even Grumpy eventually learned to love her.
Soon winter came and they went up to the North Pole to go back to work. Santa asked them about their vacation and they told him all about Snow and what a nice person she was. When he heard what they all had to say about the Widow White, Santa went straight to his computer. He pulled up his “Naughty and Nice” list and put a gold star next to Snow’s name. The Widow White’s name was moved from “Nice” to “Extra Naughty”. From that time on, Snow got lots and lots of gifts every Christmas and her stepmother never got another present as long as she lived.
The original cartoons:
The new ones:
Watch for/preorder Carol Wyer's new comedy.
I haven't read it yet but I trust Carol to give me (& you) lots of laughs:
Out April 8th but available to pre-order now:
*I insist on being politically correct!!
Never criticize someone unless you walk a mile in their shoes, & by then you'll be a mile away and have their shoes ----fishducky