Fhttp://www.aroundmykitchentable.co.uk/ollow

Wednesday, February 27, 2019

IGNATZ THE IGNOBLE





We have a friend/acquaintance that is beyond belief.  I will refer to him as Ignatz.  That is not his real name.  (Is that anyone's real name?)  I'm not sure where we met him--he may have been a client of one of Bud's associates.  I know it's not nice to make fun of people, but I couldn't stand being alone with him for more that five minutes.  He means well, but he talked incessantly.  He would drive me nuts!!

The first time he came to our home he used the back door.  He always used the back door after that; he refused to come to the front.

Ignatz lives in Malibu, among the stars.  The only difference with his house & theirs is that his is not beautifully kept up & that he raises chickens.  He is friendly with many of them--the stars, not the chickens.  He goes jogging with Sylvester Stallone, among others.  He's now a Hollywood producer & has even made a film with Steven Spielberg.  His house used to be in our name for tax purposes & he made payments to us on it.  He was always late & Bud would have to call & tell him to make the payment.  Bud, who was not normally a yeller, would scream on the phone at him until his face literally turned red.  I was scared that he would have a heart attack.  I'm so glad he finally paid off the house!!

To his credit, he was extremely generous.  He got all of my kids surfboards.  He gave Bud a very expensive set of golf clubs.  I don't know where he got it, but he kept our freezer stocked with prime beef, veal & poultry.  He came over once while we were in the kitchen watching TV.  Bud was on the phone while some program about horses was on.  Ignatz asked me if I liked horses & I told him I did.  He asked if I wanted one & I had a vision of a horse butchered & neatly wrapped in packages labelled "hamburger", "rib roast", etc.  I told him thank you, but no!!  He used to bring us turkeys & hams for our holiday dinners.  He always promised to bring them a week or so ahead of time, but he rarely did.  One year Ignatz was so late that we went & bought our own. When he did deliver them, Bud refused to accept them.  Ignatz begged & pleaded until Bud finally agreed to take them, probably just to shut him up.  Listening to him talk was like listening to machine gun fire.

At that time, Nameless had a dog named Fio, short for Fiorina, "Little Flower" in Italian.  She loved everybody--except Ignatz.  She was in our backyard one day while we were out.  Ignatz tried to leave an envelope at our back door & she wouldn't let him in the yard.  He got to the back door slowly, pausing after each step to let Fio calm down.  He said it took him half an hour to get from the gate to the door.  He got back to the gate in less than a minute.  He referred to our sweet, sweet Fio as "The dog from hell"!!


We were once on a special diet & he wanted us to try out a new kind of bread.  We told him we couldn't because of the diet.  He assured us it would be fine, because it was made "with absolutely no ingredients"!!
















Are you a cog in life or a slipped disk?----fishducky