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Friday, March 22, 2019

JUST A BUNCH OF MEDICAL STUFF




Many years ago (before I had my mastectomy) I was in my internist's office for my annual exam.  He was examining my breasts & found a suspicious spot.  My doctor had about six partners & asked if he could call one of them in for a second opinion.  I told him that would be fine.  Doctor #2 came in & he wasn't sure what was there, either.  He left & #3 came in the operatory. Then #4.  And #5.  And #6.  Every couple of minutes, another doctor.  I knew them all & some left & some stayed to visit.  It was like a party but I wasn't dressed for a party.  Or at all!!  They were all in lab coats & I was naked from the waist up.  I halfway expected a painter to come in next--why not?  The spot turned out to be nothing.  I was fine & I had discovered a new (actually old, if you think about it) way to entertain guests.

Thirty or forty years later, I did need--& have--a mastectomy.  I wrote a poem about it:


GOODBYE, LEFT BREAST
(ODE TO A MASTECTOMY)

I just thought I’d like to say goodbye
As you go to that medical waste disposal in the sky.
Say hi to my tonsils and have no fears.
We’ll all get back together in a few years.

You’ve known me the seventy-nine years of my life.
You saw me as a teen, and then a wife.
Your first job was attracting men
And next you were a breastaurant for my children.

When the doors of the milkbar finally closed
You went back to a purely decorative mode.
Which was fine, until last week
When you (and other parts) became antique.

I no longer attract young men of twenty,
But that’s all right, because I’ve had plenty.
And as for that other use, well, we all know
The odds of me nursing again are low.

But it’s in my nature to be a little sappy,
And with or without you I’ll keep on being happy.
Most would count this a loss when it comes to my score.
Will I miss you?  A little.  Do I need you?  No more!!

I will be losing some symmetry,
On this I think we can both agree.
I may tilt to one side as I walk through town
But I’ll try to adjust and not fall down.

Yet I’m not through having fun
And lifting my face to the warmth of the sun.
And being with friends and laughing (I’ll show you)
So ta ta, left tata, it was nice to know you!!

How about some tweets on pregnancy?