This
is a story about a duckling who didn’t look anything like his cute, fluffy
brothers and sisters. There was
absolutely no family resemblance, whatever.
They all had adorable names, such as “Sweetie Pie”, “Duckiepoo” and “Quackerbaby”. He was “Herman”, though his siblings called
him “Splotchy” or “Big Jerk”. They would often ask him, “Is that your neck
or an extra leg?,” which he found odd, having no mirror in which to see his
neck. Poor Herman, he could never quack clearly enough to give them the
smartassed answer he was thinking of.
When
they got older, they all left the nest and went out to make their own way in
the world. Herman just could not find a
job. Among other things, he tried to be
a greeter at Walmart, but instead he ended up in those funny pictures where
everyone was dressed so crazily (even though he wasn’t wearing any clothes). He thought that the TV show “What Not to Wear”
might be able to help him, but neither Stacey or Clinton could find him
anything that fit properly—and when the hairdresser and the makeup lady
suggested dying him one color to get rid of the splotches, he walked out!
One
day, having nothing better to do, Herman found himself at the zoo. He was standing in front of some animals in an
enclosure and munching on some delicious leaves, when he heard a voice say to
him, “Hey, you—get back inside!” He was herded into the enclosure and these animals, who happened to be giraffes, were the most
beautiful creatures he had ever seen. Strangely,
he felt at home among them.
A
lovely lady giraffe came running over to him and said, “Adonis, my beautiful
son—you’re home!” He replied, “You must
be mistaken, Ma’am. I’m a duck.” She said, “No, you’re my son! You know the old routine, ‘If it walks like a
duck and talks like a duck, then it’s a duck’?
Well, you don’t! I would know you anywhere. When I was young, I was sweet talked and got
pregnant. Your father had gone off with
another giraffe, who had the longest neck implants I'd ever seen. Anyway, I was taking a drink
out of the lake when you were born. I
didn’t even get an epidural. I didn’t
know what to do until I saw a family of ducks nearby. They had so many babies that I figured they
wouldn’t notice one more, so while their mother was napping I left you in their
nest. I knew you would be safe there—and
now we’re together again! You are Adonis—my son!”
He
figured that being Adonis, the handsome giraffe, was a lot better than being
Herman, the ugly duckling, so he never left the enclosure. He met a beautiful young lady giraffe, whom he
married, and they had several adorable long-necked babies who nobody ever made
fun of (and the best part was that they were shipped off to other zoos when they became teenagers)—and
he never had to get a job or learn to
quack properly, so he lived happily ever after.
The
moral of this story: Never assume you’re
a duck!
Some animal cartoons for you:
If toast always
lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on
the back of a cat and drop it out the window? Just wondering----fishducky
