"The other day I was on my way
home from work when the most remarkable thing happened. Traffic was heavy as
usual, and as I sat there at a red light, out of nowhere a bird slammed into my
windshield. If that wasn't bad enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck
under the windshield wiper.
Just then the light turned green
and there I was with a bird stuck on my windshield. Without any other apparent
options, turning on the windshield wipers seemed the only thing to do. It
actually worked.
On the upswing, the bird flew
off, and here is the crazy thing... it slammed right onto the windshield of the
car behind me. No, it didn't get caught under the windshield wipers of that
vehicle, but the car behind me was a police car.
Of course, with my luck, immediately the lights went on & I was requested to pull over.
The officer walked up & told me he had seen what happened at the light. Trying to plead my case fell on deaf ears. He simply stated, 'I'm going to have to write you up for flipping me the bird.' "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The officer walked up & told me he had seen what happened at the light. Trying to plead my case fell on deaf ears. He simply stated, 'I'm going to have to write you up for flipping me the bird.' "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A
police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into
this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do
that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma
attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the
station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac.
If I do that, I couldl bleed to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either.
I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
"All right, then I need you to come out here
and walk this white line."
"There's no way I can do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"This morning on the freeway, I looked over to my right & there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 80 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I looked away for a couple of seconds & when I looked back she was halfway in my lane, still working on that makeup!
As a man, I don't scare easily, but she upset me so much I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the Egg McMuffin out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, I knocked my cell phone away from my ear. It fell into the coffee between my legs & splashed & burned Big Jim & the Twins, ruined the phone, soaked my pants & disconnected an important call! Crazy women drivers!!"
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How to identify where a driver is from:
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn--Chicago
One hand on wheel, one finger out window--New York
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator--Boston
One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator--California. With gun in lap--Riverside
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror--Ohio, but driving in California
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat--Italy
One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game--Seattle
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator & both feet being on the brake, throwing a McDonald's bag out the window--Texas male
One hand constantly refocusing the rear view mirror to see different angles of her big hair, one hand going between mousse & brush to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl handle in glove compartment--Texas female
Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tail on antenna, cousin/spouse in passenger seat--Arkansas
Two hands with death grip on wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 mph on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on--Florida
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The
following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the
California Department of Transportation's driving school:
Q:
Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q:
Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same
time?
A: The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
A: The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q:
When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
A: Your car.
Q:
What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive
lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q:
What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing
yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
A: The color.
Q:
How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A:
Heavy psychedelics.
I DID NOT doctor this:
The caption is probably too blurry to read, but this is a ACTUAL picture
taken from a police car in Klamath Falls, Oregon:
Check out Elisa's Random Acts of Kindness
Why is it that when you're driving & looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?----fishducky
