There's a wonderful website I've discovered that speaks volumes for birth control. It is not posted by Planned Parenthood or by any religious organization. It was started by a woman who just wanted to show her family some of the things her kids had done. It's called "ShitMyKidsRuined.com" & it took off like a house on fire. I never really understood that expression, but anyhow, parents loved it & submitted photos of their own personal catastrophes. If you're thinking of getting married or adopting a pet, she also has websites for those things--just substitute "wife", "husband" or "pet" for "kids"when you do a search. Today, I'm just going to post some of her excerpts for kids. The parent's comments are included. If these don't make you become celibate or at least consider birth control, nothing will!
TV or pinata?
The other morning while my
sister in law was in the shower, my 5 year-old nephew took a stick to the TV
and beat it until it completely broke, as evidenced by the above picture. This
act was so out of character for him and I couldn’t figure out why he would do
this.
It wasn’t until I asked what he
was watching at the time that it all became very clear. He’d been watching
“Curious George’s Birthday” which is all about a piñata, and I guess he just
wanted to join in on the fun, not thinking that it would actually break the
TV. He had just hit a piñata over the weekend for a birthday party, so I
guess it was just a little too fresh in his mind.
My son, Bryce, who is 2 years
old, shredded our lotto ticket with 16 draws left on it. It was a $100 ticket.
My husband left our office door open and our son climbed the desk, plucked the
lotto ticket from the basket, put it in the shredder saying ‘Bills, bills’ as
he shredded it.
Frantic, I searched through the
shopping bag that lined the basket of the shredder, found most of the pieces
and put them together. When we called Florida Lotto they said that the ticket
is now useless in its condition. We wouldn’t have won anything
from it yet, but this could be an EPIC FAIL if we would have. I’m going to
neatly place it in my son’s baby book, if we would have won, as a constant
reminder of why he is the only 16 year old kid WITHOUT a car of his own.
I was doing dishes and looked
over to see my 1 year old had ripped off the keys to my laptop. UGH! I did
manage to get most of them back on.
Let your kid hold your cell
phone to keep him quiet and he will do this … all text is reversed and must now
be read in a mirror. Removing the battery does not fix the problem. The boy
clearly possesses some evil electronic superpower.
I caught my 19 month old son
sticking one of his crayons in the VCR. When I went to take it away from him I
noticed something bright and yellow sticking out of the flap so on closer
examination this is what I discovered inside. Yep, that’s Halloween candy in
there. I removed about 14 pieces of candy as well as 2 more crayons and some
refrigerator magnets. There is still a Tootsie Pop in there but it’s shoved so
far back in there I can’t get it out.
My 3
year old thought our fish would enjoy an entire container of black pepper for
breakfast!
Spicy floor recipe
Here’s
the recipe. Just pour out and mix together…
7 oz. cinnamon, 7 oz. baking powder, 4 oz. black pepper, 2 oz. garam masala, 1 oz. cumin, 1 oz. nutmeg, 1 oz. cream of tartar, 1 oz. coriander, 2 oz. chili powder, dash of white pepper.
7 oz. cinnamon, 7 oz. baking powder, 4 oz. black pepper, 2 oz. garam masala, 1 oz. cumin, 1 oz. nutmeg, 1 oz. cream of tartar, 1 oz. coriander, 2 oz. chili powder, dash of white pepper.
Now, I would have probably
mixed it in a bowl, instead of on the floor, but I digress…
Sweeney Toddler. The day before
Easter family photos.
Notice how he lovingly writes
MOTHER down the left side. I was all aglow until I read the E :
Elderly. He definitely ruined my vanity! But, gotta love the rest
of it!
When my daughter was about 3, I
was helping her step into her jammie pants. She RANDOMLY jumped straight
up, and cracked me in the eye with her freakin rock head. This was just
what I looked like the first night… it only got better from there.
I now have 3 kids and this
picture still accurately depicts how I feel on a day to day basis.
AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:
You MUST read the story here, it's hilarious! Thank you, Peter Cheney!
If you haven't gotten my book yet, don't worry--
you can click HERE to buy it on Amazon
or HERE on Goodreads.
My book is sort of like this:
Some quotes that seem apt for today:
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--"Keep away from children." --Phyllis Diller
The way I look at it, if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then I've done my job. --Roseanne Barr
Erma Bombeck once said, "Grandchildren are God's reward for letting your OWN children live."
I agree!!----fishducky