I’ve
decided to start an advice column, sort of like Dear Abby. Who better to ask than someone who knows everything? Here are some of the questions I’ve received
& my responses. What do you think?
Dear fishducky,
I just discovered my
husband is seeing another woman & she’s a cow. I mean a real cow, as in “Moo, moo.” He does
bring home fresh milk so I don’t have to run to the store nearly as often
as I used to. He claims that should be
enough to make me happy. What should I
do?
Wondering
in Wisconsin
Dear Wondering,
Easy
question. As much as I believe in the
sanctity of marriage & the vows you both took, your husband is a nut
case. Drop him!!
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Dear fishducky,
My husband just
surprised me with a beautiful BMW. My
problem is that I think he stole it.
What would you do?
Nervous Nellie
Dear Nellie,
Change
the plates.
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Dear fishducky,
My wife & I own a
small home. Both my mother & my
mother-in-law want to move in with us.
What advice would you give us?
Harried
husband
Dear Harried,
Run!!
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Dear fishducky,
My dog loves to beg. He's really good at it. Last week alone he came home with 16 doggy treats & $174.56. My question is, do we have to declare this as extra income?
A Proud Owner
Dear Proud,
Not unless someone tells the IRS.
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Dear fishducky,
Where can I find someone who will prepare my meals, clean my house & have sex with me for only room & board?A Cheapskate
Dear Cheapo,
Offhand, I can think of two places. Either a wedding chapel or slavesareus.com.
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Dear fishducky,
I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How do you suppose he got into them?
Funny Guy
Dear Funny,
Ask Groucho Marx.
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Dear fishducky,
My roommate has become so catty that she's driving me crazy. Help me, please!
Dog Lover
Dear Dog,
I suggest you watch this video to decide if you'd really prefer your friend to act catty or doggy.
Why men should not
write advice columns:
Dear
John,
I hope you can help me. The other day I set off for work leaving
my husband in the family room watching TV. My car stalled and about a mile from home
it broke down. I had forgotten my cell phone so I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home
I could not believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's
daughter.
I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbor's daughter is 19. We
have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him he broke down and
admitted they had been having an affair for six months and I'm afraid I'm at my
wit's end. Can you please help me?
Sincerely, Sheila
Dear Sheila,
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused
by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no
debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on
the intake manifold and also check all earth leads. If none of these approaches
solve the problem it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low
delivery pressure to the injectors. I hope this helps.
Some random advice from Huffpost:
This one's from Michele:
Some advice I stole from Leenie:
And some cartoons:
If you haven't gotten my book yet, don't worry--
you can click HERE to buy it on Amazon
or HERE on Goodreads.
Tex, here, suggests you buy my book:
Because of the high volume of stupid questions I have been asked, there will now be a $1.00 charge for answers. Answers with thought $2.00. Correct answers $3.00.----fishducky
