Winston Churchill loved them.
Lady Nancy Astor once told him,
" Winston, if you were my husband,
I'd poison your tea."
He told her,
"If I were your husband, I'd drink it."
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part
of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected & are quite often humorous. Some examples:
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear
them speak.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' A
'doctor'.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a
bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive
twice.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the
target.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage
makes you a car.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to
find one now.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Evening
news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why
it isn't.
A
bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my
desk, I have a work station.
How
is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to
start a campfire?
Some
people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help
smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Dolphins
are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to
stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
Why
does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check
when you say the paint is wet?
Why
do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss
America?
A
clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
The
voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Always
borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
A
diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will
look forward to the trip.
Hospitality:
making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
Money
can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Some
cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
When
tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses
water.
Nostalgia
isn't what it used to be.
Some
people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination
whatsoever.
A
bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are
in it.
If
you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than
one child?
Change
is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
I've had a perfectly wonderful
evening. But this wasn't it.
Everything comes to those who wait--except a cat.
I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim.
My favorite is the old Groucho Marx line, "I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know!"
Everything comes to those who wait--except a cat.
I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim.
My favorite is the old Groucho Marx line, "I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know!"
This guy (Mitch Hedberg) thinks in paraprosdokians:
How about some grammar cartoons?
Thatt's al four nowe--fishducky
