Wednesday, August 14, 2013


Q. What do you call a polar bear who's wearing ear muffs?
A. Anything you want, he can’t hear you!

Bud & I used to go to an exercise class at the YMCA with our friend, Ralph.  In one of the closing exercises, you lie on your back, raise your legs & drop them by your ears.  We held this pose for several minutes.  I always thought that if an alien saw us, he would think it was some kind of religious ceremony.  The last thing we did was to jog a few laps around the gym.  Ralph would never run next to me--he insisted on being directly behind me, instead.  He said he liked the view.

When Matt, our son, was about eight, he jumped off our front porch to the driveway below.  It was a full one story drop & he used an umbrella as a parachute.  He didn't break anything, but he did learn that that was not the purpose of an umbrella.

The father of one of our friends (we'll call him Mr. T) told us about the time he was at some company to make a complaint.  He was very angry about some recent service or billing & admitted to some ranting.  The young man at the complaint desk was listening & making notes on a form.  Mr. T was on the other side of the counter & reading the clerk's notes upside down.  He yelled at the clerk, "What do you mean, CUSTOMER IS A RAT?" The clerk told him he had never written that.  Mr. T said, "It's right here!" & turned the form around.  That's when he saw that what really was written was "Customer is irate!"

When I was five or six, I used to love to go to horror movies with my brother, who was two years older.  I wasn't afraid while the characters were on the screen, but my brother told me that when the movie was over, they came off the screen & into the audience.  As soon as I saw the words "The End" I would bolt out of my seat & wait for my brother outside, right by the theater entrance!  I never saw the credits for a horror movie until I was much older. 

If I had gotten this earlier, 
I would have put it in my 
"Where is Everybody?" post last week.
Thanks, Shirley!!

Totie Fields was a very popular comedienne in the 60's.  She was very good friends with the singers, Steve Lawrence & Eydie Gorme.  She was at their home for dinner one evening & asked to use their bathroom.  Eydie told her to use the master bath rather than the guest bath because it needed repairs.  She had to walk through their bedroom to get there.  En route, she stopped at Steve's dresser & opened his underwear drawer. She put on fresh lipstick & planted a very visible kiss on the front of every single pair of his tighty whities, used the facilities & returned to the dinner table.  She was my kind of woman!!

Here she is:

Here are Steve & Eydie:

I'm not a morning person.  When my kids were small, they asked me not to get up & make them breakfast.  I thought I was being pleasant, but they claimed they couldn't eat in the mornings if I was there.  I ended up packing their lunches the night before & sleeping in--for their sake.  After all, we all must make some sacrifices for our children! They bought me a sticker which is still on my bedroom mirror.  It's Snoopy & it says,
"I think I'm allergic to mornings."
Some more thoughts on that subject:


A quote from Erma Bombeck: "Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."----fishducky