The benevolent old
ruler, Emperor Kardashian of Fariytaleland (just east of Mythicalplace and
south of Nosuchcountry) had sadly succumbed to the bite of a dragon. The kingdom was busy preparing for the
coronation of his daughter, the Princess Kim, as she was called by her
friends. Both of them. Kim had a smart mouth and was not very
popular.
Kim was determined to
have the most beautiful coronation gown the world had ever seen. Money was no object. The entire treasury of her country was at her
disposal. Dressmakers and tailors
arrived at the castle in droves with designs for her gown. She looked at them all and decided none was
beautiful enough for her. She ordered
their heads cut off. The gown had to
show off her lovely hair and magnificent figure. And she needed it quickly. What to do, what to do?
She ordered her
maidservant to call “Say Yes to the Dress” and ask if they thought they could
help her. They saw an opportunity to make
a lot of money be of help to the future ruler of their land. They said for Kim to come right over and that
they would stay open late, if need be.
Princess Kim arrived
at the salon, and after nastily ordering all the other customers out, tried on
every dress she saw that cost 25,000 pieces of gold or more. They were too long or too short, too lacy or
not lacy enough. The princess was very demanding. Worried that she might order his head be cut
off, and also not wanting to lose the sale, Monte came up with a plan. He whispered to Lori to just follow his lead.
Monte said, “Your
Majesty, there is one dress that you haven’t seen yet. It’s made of such a special silk that not
everybody is able to see it. Only the
highest quality people, the ones on the A-list, are able to view this beautiful
gown. It’s a bargain at only 100,000
gold pieces. Would you like to try it on?” Kim reluctantly agreed. She said, “OK, but it had better be
nice. I’m getting tired and I need a
drink and a cigarette.”
Lori went into the
storeroom and quickly came out again.
She was carrying a gown high over her shoulder. That is, she seemed to be carrying a gown but
in reality was holding a bare hangar.
She said, “Look at this lovely gown, your Majesty. The fabric is as soft and as light as air and
the beadwork is exquisite. The sapphires
and emeralds on the bosom give it just the right touch, don’t you think?” The princess couldn’t see anything, of
course, but not wanting to not be
considered one of the “highest quality” people, said that it was, indeed,
lovely.
They went into the
dressing room where Lori helped the princess try on the “gown”. She and Monte oohed and aahed at how gorgeous
Kim looked in it. They told her it fit
perfectly, with absolutely no alterations needed. Kim said, “Fine! It’s about time you found something
decent. I’ll take it.” “Does that mean you’re saying ‘Yes’ to the
dress?” they asked. She said, “Are you
guys deaf? I said I’d take it!”
She returned to the
castle and soon the day of her coronation arrived. Her servants helped her into the “gown”
although they couldn’t see or feel it since there was absolutely nothing to be
seen or felt. Then again, neither could Kim,
who was beginning to suspect that there might be something just a little off
about it, but it was too late to do anything.
Everyone who saw her said the “gown” was unbelievably beautiful. (No one could see it, but they all considered
themselves to be the “highest quality” people and didn’t want anyone to think
differently.)
She entered the grand
hall and took her seat on the throne. A
collective gasp could be heard. They
were just about to put the crown on her head when a voice rang through the
crowd saying, “She’s buck naked!”
Kim finally realized
the truth. “So what?” she answered
haughtily, “I may be naked, but I still look better than you!” And you know what? She actually did!
In marriage, two become one--usually after
some disagreement as to which one!!----Robert Brault (& fishducky)
