Wednesday, March 19, 2014


Today, we have some clean (sort of) jokes:

The top toothbrush salesman at the company was asked by his boss how he managed to sell so many brushes. He replied "It's easy" & he pulled out his card table, setting his display of brushes on top. He told his boss, “I go where it’s crowded. I lay the brushes out like this, & then I put up a sign saying, 'Free chips & dip!!' & I put out some potato chips & dip to draw in the customers.” He laid out his chips & dip. His boss said, "That's a very innovative approach" & took one of the chips, dipped it, & stuck it in his mouth. "This tastes like shit!" his boss yelled. The salesman replied, "Everybody says that.  Then I say, 'It is shit—wanna buy a toothbrush?' It works every time!!"

Impressed by the impeccable cleanliness of the restaurant, the customer summoned his waiter over to the table to compliment him. "We take pride in our sanitary precautions," the waiter explained. "For example, the manager makes us carry a spoon, so we don't have to touch the food we serve, and we even have a string attached to our pants fly, so that we don't touch the zipper when we have to use the bathroom." "But how do you get your stuff back into your trousers?" the customer asked. "I don't know about the others," the waiter said, “but I use my spoon!!”

Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley. "I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, the floors are gleaming white. It's so sanitary the whole place shines." "Please," said the other roach, frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

A guy goes into a restaurant & he's absolutely starving.  He asks the waiter to bring him some soup, mashed potatoes & a steak.  The waiter brings the soup & he has his thumb in it. The guy's annoyed but he's really hungry so he eats it, anyway.  Then out comes the steak & mashed potatoes & the waiter's thumb is in the potatoes.  He's still very hungry, so he eats it without complaint.  When he finishes, he asks for a cup of coffee, & sure enough it comes complete with the waiter's thumb.  He says, "When you brought me my soup, your thumb was in the bowl.  It was in the potatoes when you brought my steak.  Now, it's in my coffee.  You're the worst waiter I've ever seen!" The waiter says, "I'm sorry, sir, but I can explain.  I have terrible arthritis in my thumb & my doctor says to keep it warm."  The diner angrily says, "Why don't you stick it up your ass?"  The waiter replies, "I do, in the kitchen, but my manager won't let me in the dining room!!"

There are some who insist on being clean:

And then there are others:

Housecleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places----fishducky