Selling at an auction was halted when the auctioneer
announced, “Someone in the room has lost his wallet containing $2,000. He is
offering a reward of $500.00 for its immediate return.” After a moment of
silence, there was a call from the back of the room, “$550.00”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Woman Stops
Grizzly Attack With 25 Caliber Pistol! This is a story of self-control
and marksmanship with an "itsy bitsy shooter" by a woman facing
a fierce predator.
What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself? The 25 caliber Beretta Jetfire.
What is the smallest caliber you trust to protect yourself? The 25 caliber Beretta Jetfire.
Here's her story:
“While out
hiking in Alberta, Canada with my husband we were surprised by a huge
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead? In reality he
was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally
paid for him to see a psychiatrist. The
psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was
still alive, but nothing seemed
to work.
Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical
books and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don't bleed. After hours
of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.
"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.
"Yes, I do," the patient replied.
"Very well, then," the doctor said. He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger & out came a trickle of blood. The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"
"Oh my goodness!" the patient exclaimed as he stared
incredulously at his finger ... "Dead men do bleed!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. How do you know
when a man is going to say something smart?
A. He starts with "My wife said..."
A. He starts with "My wife said..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy approached a beautiful
looking woman in a mall and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in
the mall. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Sure, but why?" she asked. "Because every time I talk to a
beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
During a robbery, one of the robber’s masks slid down.
He looked at a man and asked, “Did you
see my face?” The man said, “Yes!” The robber shot him.
Then he asked a woman, “Did you see my face?” She said, “No, but my husband over there did!!”
Then he asked a woman, “Did you see my face?” She said, “No, but my husband over there did!!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before going to Europe on business, a man drives his
Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank & asks for an immediate loan
of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requests collateral. "Well then,
here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce," the man says. The loan officer
promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping
& gives the man the $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walks
through the bank's doors & asks to settle up his loan & get his car
back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, & $15.40 in interest,"
the loan officer says. The man writes out a check & starts to walk away.
"Wait, sir," the loan officer says. "You are a millionaire. Why
in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiles & asks, "Where
else could I find a safe place to park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two
weeks & pay only $15.40?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In 1979
Treasure Secretary Michael Blumenthal found himself in an
embarrassing situation in Beethoven's, an expensive San Francisco
restaurant. Blumenthal was confronted with a sizable dinner
bill, an expired Visa card, and a waiter who wanted proof of
signature to back up an out-of-town check. Blumenthal
solved his predicament in a way only he could: He produced a
dollar bill and pointed out his own signature, W. M.
Blumenthal, in the bottom right-hand corner. The signatures
matched, and Blumenthal's personal check was accepted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is what happens when nobody thinks:
A guy was driving when a
policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window & said to the
officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just
observed your safe driving & I’m pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver
Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the
money?"
The driver thought for a minute &
said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license." The lady
sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay
attention to him--he's a smart ass when he's drunk & stoned." The guy
pipes up from the back seat & says, "I TOLD you guys that we wouldn't
get far in a stolen car!"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk & a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk & a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“At the tone, the time will be now.”----AT&T (& fishducky)
