Answer:
“I would not live forever, because we should not
live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever,
then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever,
which is why I would not live forever.”
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Yogi
Berra (the catcher, not the Hanna Barbera character) was making dinner plans
with some friends. One of them suggested a certain restaurant. Yogi
said, “No, it’s too popular. Nobody goes there, anymore!”
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Bette
Midler--“If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books
on how to do it? “
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Hugh
Hefner--“My life is an open book. With illustrations.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ozzy
Osbourne--“I think MTV should consider using subtitles. Half the time, even I
can’t understand what the fuck I’m talking about.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. --George Burns
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir .. mighty scarce. --Mark Twain
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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. --Socrates
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. --Groucho Marx
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. --Jimmy Durante
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. --Jilly Cooper
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. -- Zsa Gabor
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. --Alex Levine
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. --Mark Twain
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. --Henny Youngman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.' --Joe Namath
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. --Herbert Henry Asquith
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. --Bob Hope
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman drove me to drink ... and I hadn't even the courtesy to thank her. --W.C.Fields
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
George
Bush--“They misunderestimated me”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Christina
Aguilera--“I wouldn’t feel right wearing clothes covering my body.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arnold
Schwarzenegger--“I think that gay marriage is something that should be between
a man and a woman.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Abdullah Ahmar, speaker of Yemeni parliament, on the practice of taking foreign visitors hostage--"[Being taken hostage is] an adventure for
the tourist, because the tourist will end up learning about the customs of the
tribes as well as their good hospitality."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gerald Ford (president, 1974-77)--"If Lincoln were alive today he'd roll over in his grave."
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Former vice president Dan Quayle, attempting to explain the
difference between the House and the Senate--"There are lots more people
in the House. I don't know how many exactly-I never counted but at least a
couple hundred."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dave Barry-"I hope I don't sound like an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud, but when I hear about people making vast fortunes without doing any productive work or contributing anything to society, my reaction is: 'How can I get in on that?'"
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My friend was not a celebrity, but I love this quote: He was president of a large corporation & often was required to make speeches. He was a little over 6' tall & often had to raise the microphone when it was his turn to speak. On this one occasion, the previous speaker was about 6'6" tall & he tried to lower the mike. He was having difficulty & said, "That's the first time I've had trouble getting it down!"